A typical party at the West Appleton City Shady Acres Retirement Villa. My deadbeat son Lou tried to toss my wrinkled ass into this rotting hellhole, but I quickly reminded him that I'm still his dad and it's my Constitutional right to break a bottle of rum over his bloated head. I took advantage of that right many times that day.

Manny Perkins can still hear the victims scream for help. By compacting his fat man-tits together, the digestive process is sped up and their pleas for help go unheard.

Yes, you idiot, it is a gun. And no, I am not happy to see you.

The starting linebacker for the South Appleton Cougars, Mary Edwards. No wonder the team went 16-0 that year with her as the entire defensive line.

The Appleton City Catch and Release programs fails miserably. FOR GOD'S SAKE, THROW THEM BOTH BACK!!!

Marge Schorbeck's lifelong dream was to pass the ugly gene to her kids. Sadly enough, I don't think any of her fruit-faced children will have the opportunity to do the same. There ain't nobody blind enough to lay down with those sacks of rocks.