Out with the Old Genres, in with the Educational Smut

These genres represent the majority of video games on the market right now:

• RPG
• Shooter (with RPG elements)
• Open World (with RPG elements)
• Atmospheric Exploration (with RPG elements)
• Survival/Crafting (with RPG elements)
• Open World Exploration Survival Shooter (with RPG elements)
• RPG (with RPG elements) (does not include Dragon Age 2)
• Character Action (with RPG elements)
• Simulation
• "Humorous" Simulation
• Stealth (with RPG elements)
• Sports (with RPG elements)
• DOTA DOTA DOTA EVERYTHING CAN BE A DOTA CLONE

Sometimes it seems like that's all we're going to get. All of game development history has led to this point, and everything has been figured out. Now it's time to make stuff bigger.

Nah.

In truth, there are tons of new experiences waiting for us. We just need to explore untapped genres such as:

• Educational Smut
• First Person Street Magic
• Rhythm-Based Sobbing
• Yelling At Dogs (both elements procedurally generated)
• Grippy Grabber
• Bomb-Disarming Phrenology
• Skeleton Warrior Speed Dating
• Open World Nodding
• Ghost Writing Last Words For Hack Authors And Buzzfeed Contributors
• Stealth Dance
• Cover-Based Cowering
• Workplace Safety Video Reenactment MMO
• My Father The Toilet
• Games Where You Stylishly Shoot And Stab A Billion People To Save The Universe, But You Only Have Control Over Your Character's Eyelids (controller triggers) And Mouth (analog sticks)
• Thank You Note Roguelike
• Free To Play, $59.99 To Uninstall
• Multiplayer Competitive Fawning Over Stoic Twelve Foot Tall Police & Military NPCs, Their Equipment, And Their Ability To Kill People
• Turn-Based Turning In A Circle
• Emotional Firing Range Tutorial
• What We All Thought Spore Was Going To Be
• Tub Checking (What's In That Dang Tub?)
• Perfectly Trouble-Free Resort Survival
• Staring Into An Abyss Until It Literally Stares Back, The End
• Hunting A Monster Until A Poignant Moment When You Realize That You, Yourself, Have In Fact Become A Monster
• Newspaper Crossword Horror
• Robot Shaming

Get to work, people.

– Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell (@DennisFarrell)