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 Who
is Leonard Crabs?
Leonard
Crabs has been practicing law ever since he
was 15 years old and saw a friend wreck his
bicycle into a tree. He successfully sued
the owner of the tree for "gross negligence"
and was awarded the sum of $15 million which
he immediately spent on Pez and Hustler magazines.
Now Leonard is much older and has expanded
his operation to sue tree owners in over three
states. He also handles various other accidents,
whether they involve a tree or not. Although
he prefers the tree ones much more.
Leonard
loves to fight the "big insurance companies"
that want to "hold out" on paying
you for an "injury" that was due
to your "pure, unadulterated stupidity."
If he can't get a court case against these
companies, you can often find him outside
their offices, screaming obscenities and challenging
the president to a knife fight. This unique,
no-holds-barred approach to legal defense
has earned Leonard a place on the ATLA (Association
of Trial Lawyers of America), although they
are not currently aware of it.
What
has Leonard done?
Leonard
has helped hundreds (or 6) people reclaim
millions (15.32) of dollars in lost income
due to their own blatant idiocy. He has changed
the life of a little girl in the hospital
that had leukemia. He built the Suez Canal.
He is responsible for creating the microchip.
Leonard is known world wide for the great
deeds he has accomplished and he is ready
and willing to work for you! But don't take
our word for it, let's listen to a few satisfied
customers!
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before
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"I
was in an awful accident. I was talking
on my cellphone while eating a sandwich
while changing the radio station while
driving my sports-utility vehicle, and
some guy came out of nowhere and drove
in front of me. He quickly shifted into
reverse and hit me dead on! I was so
shaken up I accidentally dropped my
sandwich on the floor! Leonard Crabs
helped me recover 38 cents from Ford
Motor Company because they failed to
include a sandwich feeding machine in
their vehicles. Leonard Crabs saved
my marriage!"
-KW,
San Jose
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after
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before
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"When
I fell out of that tree and landed on
my testicles three years ago, the doctors
said I couldn't have any kids. This
made me so sad I climbed back up the
tree to weep and fell out again. They
told me I suffered a broken leg from
that fall, which sent me into a dizzying
depression that ended only when I stole
a lawn tractor and drove it into the
neighbor's drainage ditch. All the other
lawyers claimed there was nobody I could
sue, but Leonard Crabs told me otherwise!
After suing the GOP for 'gross negligence',
Leonard won me enough change to ride
the bus home... TWICE!"
-WK,
Saint Joe
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after
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 Why
choose Leonard?
You
should choose Leonard Crabs to represent you
because if you don't, the hideous space demons
will undoubtedly kill you when you sleep.
In addition to this, our legal system is large
and complex, and few lawyers really understand
how it works as well as Leonard Crabs. How
confusing is this system? Well just check
out this helpful diagram Leonard made at 2
AM which illustrates the various snares and
pitfalls that represent our American legal
system.
Leonard
knows how to manipulate the system for his
own personal gain. He does so on a frequent
basis. When he was a kid, his mother used
to shout "Leonard, stop manipulating
the system for your own personal gain! It's
a school night!" And hell, look at that
diagram again!
We
understand that your choice for legal representation
can get a bit confusing with all the lawyers
out there bidding for your business. But we
honestly mean it when we say "Leonard
Crabs is the only lawyer who drinks his own
urine." This unique, no-holds-barred
approach to legal defense has baffled more
than one defense team in court, often ending
up in a large cash settlement or at least
a small recess until he's taken his medication.
We'd
like to thank you for visiting our website.
And please choose Leonard Crabs when searching
for an attorney to represent you in court.
He's not letting us go until you do. Thank
you.
Contact
Leonard "J." Crabs
The
information contained on this site is not
intended as legal advice, factual information,
or information in general. Leonard Crabs is
not a certified trial specialist although
he does pretend to be one when he has been
drinking. Please seek legal counseling before
reading this site, and seek emotional counseling
afterwards.
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