The True Cost of a Nintendo Switch, How to Play Hearthstone Like Me

The True Cost of a Nintendo Switch

Nintendo Switch - $299

Joy Con Controllers (pair, left and right Joy Con) - $79

Joy Con Controller (left or right) - $49

Joy Con Contr (half of a left or right controller) - $59

Pro Controller - $69

Half a Pro Controller - $49

Joy Con Charging Grip - $29

HD Rumble to 4K Rumble Pak Conversion Kit - $49

Monthly Subscription to Totally Secure, Robust, Feature-Rich Online Service That Lets You Play Online Games and Chat But You Have to Use a Smartphone For Some Reason - $12

Nintendo Switch Dock Set (for second tv) - $89

Nintendo Switch Replacement Packaging (complete) - $59

Nintendo Switch Replacement Packaging (left or right half of the box) - $49

1/8th of a Pro Joy Con Controller - $39

"Charlie" WiiMote Sensor Bar Intelligent Assistant (shout to order more Joy Cons) - $89

32GB Storage Upgrade - $199

Realistic Human Face - $59

How to Play Hearthstone Like Me

Get through the tutorial but avoid anything that involves playing with other people.

Do quests to get some cards. Start building decks and get really excited about the grand adventure you're about to embark upon.

Uninstall the game.

Come back a year later. Everything's so different! Play through the new tutorials, getting your ass kicked by the AI.

Look at your collection of decks, unsure if they have been reset or remain exactly how you left them.

Rebuild your decks by using as many cards with gems as possible. Gems mean better.

At the beginning of every turn, play the highest value card in your hand. That's the good one.

If you have more mana(?) play other cards. The order doesn't matter. Just click everything as quickly as possible. Before clicking End Turn, hover over the cards you just played to see what they did.

Always target the other player directly. As the game spirals out of control, take a look at their minions to realize what you should have targeted first.

– Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell (@DennisFarrell)