State Og Monthly Report

A very simple method of morale improvement is to play music in the office. Make sure it's appropriate to the current mood of the day- for example, the sounds of shrieking howler monkeys, Necronomicon chanting, and gutbucket-banjo combinations should be played in the morning, while jet-engine test recordings and the music of Cannibal Corpse are suitable for later in the day.

Hire Jerry Seinfeld to make uproarious observations about everyday events. If this fails to amuse your staff, have him executed.

Happiness is often more potent when artificially induced. Try pouring nitrous oxide into the air circulation vents.

Everyone loves puppies. Dangle one from a rope in the employee lounge. This is more effective if you include a sign saying "THIS COULD BE YOU".

Hold your breath and count to five before speaking. This will help you calm down and focus your anger, possibly into a fireball which you can fling from your hands.

When arguing with another employee, it helps if you distance yourself and view the situation through your coworker's eyes. Note: This does not mean tearing out their eyeballs and attempting to stuff them into your own empty sockets. Middle-manager Ted Feiber, we're talking to you.

Number three was removed by order of the federal government, who are strongly against the idea of growing your own anthrax spores, to say nothing of sprinkling them on the napkins in your employee lounge.

Yakuza assassin Bob Karohashi is often available to settle employee conflict at a low low price!