The Time Tooth Tooth Bought an Eagle
The heartwarming story of a man attempting to buy a harpy eagle from a zoo as a Christmas gift to his niece.
The Time Tooth Tooth Met the Pope
Did I tell you about that time Tooth Tooth met the pope? Son, that shit is crazy. Actual goddamn pope, son. You gotta take my word on this one, god, because you ain’t gonna find that shit in any history book, you heard? This was two minds coming together, but will you ever hear about this shit from any devil’s history book? Naw, man.
The Time Tooth Tooth Lost His Eagle
When you own it all, you look around and see all the shit you own, you look down past them gold ropes on your neck and see a mischievous fine Chinese bitch trying to undo your Gucci pants, and you start to think ‘what is left for me to acquire in this city,’ and it’s a feeling that might breed wickedness in a righteous man.
The Time Tooth Tooth Reclaimed his Eagle
Tooth was driving that Highline with Bill Cosby painted on the hood, you remember that shit? He explained that shit to me: “I require a fine luxury automobile, god, but I need to deflect the accusations of flamboyance and ostentation that a righteous black man must face when living with high material means, so I painted Bill Cosby on that shit.”
The Fable of Tooth Tooth and the Whiteling
At first Tooth was wary about that shit, so he cannily asked the Chinese bitch to smell it for the scent of gunpowder, because they know that smell due to their culture. But she ain’t detect anything dangerous, so Tooth bring that basket inside and unswaddle the parcel within in it, and to his horror he discover a living baby whiteling.
The Time Tooth Tooth Tasted Swine: Part 1
I'm sure folks been telling you about how Tooth Tooth tasted the unclean meats of a swine and was corrupted. Yeah, kid, I wouldn't believe it either. How could it be so? How could Tooth Tooth, a noble original black man, let the gamey flesh of a snouted ungulate pass the uncorrupted lips he use to impart righteous truth upon his brothers?
The Time Tooth Tooth Tasted Swine: Part 2
The indisputable mathematical fact of chess is that, over time, black always gonna tend toward victory in the long run. Just how the statistics line up. White gotta keep making moves, tripping over his damn self; black just gotta wait it out. For whenever white makes a move, he puts himself yet deeper into disadvantage. Zugzwang, cousin.
The Time Tooth Tooth Tasted Swine: Interlude
You know bout I seen that boy How He Look So Fresh on the corner the other day? He was posted up by that dog statue. And he got this hat on, made entirely out of glass. Word is bond. How He Look So Fresh was posted on the corner in a glass hat.
The Time Tooth Tooth Tasted Swine: Part 3
In which Tooth Tooth shakes off his hog stupor, follows the path of humility, infiltrates the pig-celebrating world of the white devil and meets an unexpected Norwegian.
The Time Tooth Tooth Tasted Swine: Part 4
In which Tooth Tooth builds with an unlikely friend, a Norwegian black metal singer named Valp Kattunge, and gains powerful insight into the struggle against Yacub and the nature of corruption.
The Time Tooth Tooth Tasted Swine: Part 5
In the thrilling conclusion of our five-part Tooth Tooth serial, our hero learns the true nature of swine, regains his righteousness and confronts the sinister Jeremy Birdcastle, the whitest dude in town.
