Sword of the Bastard Elf

Gilganixon

As you can see, trying to wheedle compensation out of the wizard is a possibility, so we can try that in the next update. We might need a follow-up plan though.

Mojo Threepwood

Starting eating the testicle and chewing with your mouth open. When she turns away in disgust, push her over the landing.

Darth Llama

Offer to share the testicle with her over a candlelight dinner, then escort the caravan to Bilgeton.

Bicyclops

Attach the testicle to the skeleton so he can feel what it's like to have balls again, and maybe start attaching more parts to him as we travel.

the_steve

I think Elf Hunter should be our calling in life. We travel the countryside knocking the granola out of these fucks, and get paid to do it.

Gilganixon

Wisely deciding not to piss her off we accept the offer. Turning to 290:

This works out well. If you don't make a move on her you don't get the Skeleton Friend, which is this thing:

1 Do we change outfits?

Speleothing

Need to save the fancy clothes for the ball, so helmet and shield

Gilganixon

If you don't wear the clothes you can bet Skeleton Friend will be trying on your stuff in the bag.

2 What piece of loot do we want from the tower?

Beer4TheBeerGod

I say we grab the Boots of Elvish Walking. The steel toes and elf-piercing spiked treads will be handy if we encounter treacherous terrain

3 Equip Skeleton Friend? (this seems like a no-brainer but maybe you don't want a skeleton in your backpack?)

Speleothing

Literally no downside to the Skeleton Friend, I like James Boned for the name.

Atma

do not trust the skeleton friend

what fool would put a skeleton on his back, let alone one that has a knife

Monkey Fracas

Only a madman wouldn't equip a live skeleton

Gilganixon

Update:

Boots of Elvish Stomping, ahead with 3 votes
2 for the gauntlets
2 for an enchanted Polack
2 for the Robe and Wizard Hat

Also possible I guess:

The Wizard's bed
The Necromancer's undies
Bow of Burning Gold w. Arrows of Desire (ranged weapon)
An Bottomless Thermos of Scalding Soup
A Rusty Scythe of Scything

Araenna

Can the boots be used to stomp other creatures?

djwetmouse

Gilganixon

We picked the boots over soup:

Moving on to 66:

It looks like we're about to get jumped from both sides of the road. You can give an order to the skeletons and take a single action before all hell breaks loose.

1. What's the order?

2. What is the half-elf doing?

Beer4TheBeerGod

Tell the skeletons their brethren are trapped within the fleshy confines of the elves.

And then watch.

Epic High Five

get in there and do some kicking.

These boots are ridiculously useful against elves and we should take advantage of that

Random Hajile

SPLIT YOUR LUNGS WITH BLOOD AND THUNDER
WHEN YOU SEE THE WHITE ELVES
USE YOUR BOOTS TO KICK THEIR ASSES
IF YOU WANT THEIR LOOT FOR YOURSELVES