Sex God Tortoises

Hey, I was close! This week we pay tribute to recent internet celebrity Diego, the Galapagos Tortoise who saved his species by gettin' it on. But not even this seemingly wholesome subject is without controversy, as the Goons all-too-slowly discovered...

Some images this week have been CENSORED cuz porno. If you lousy degenerates wanna see more graphic... graphics you'll just have to join the forums, now wontcha? But don't worry, there's still plenty enough in this pile to make you feel uncomfortable and sticky; that's our patented Phridays guarantee!

This classy thread was the brainchild of Professor Shark, who dared to ask just what Diego would do with his new-found fame as a fornicating force.

Don't blink or you'll miss Klyith showing a flash of ankle! My stars!

Bronze Fonz is helping me out by giving me a friendlier face to imagine behind all those threatening phone calls.

Gajarga likes rippin' and tearin'... mouthfuls of iceberg lettuce with his beak.

What are you talking about Nice piece of fish? It's an amphibian.

Solice Kirsk keeps saying they'll come out of their shell. Promises! Promises!

I rang up these itry submissions with a bunch of other items to limit suspicion.

Vim is well-versed in the classics...

...but not as well-versed as Riaktrg!

Sir Not Appearing really likes movies but has a hard time counting characters.

Hitlersaurus Christ is the author of this image, as well as a good verbal response to it.

HugeGrossBurrito's unguarded enthusiasm is exotic to web culture.

Bogus Adventure remembers a time when our editor-in-chief could still sit up! If this space is mysteriously blank at some point just chalk it up to more "racist breakfast cereal" type self-censoring shenanigans. And tell my family I loved them!

Sir Not Appearing checks too many memes at once for me to count! Gosh I hope there's nothing unforgivably foul in the subtext here... but who am I kidding there probably is.

Call Your Grandma can call off the search, they found what they were looking for.

And finally Dick Basterdly "wins" this week's Phriday with a take on "multiplying" that doesn't make me want to puke!

What a fun way to celebrate a famous fucking turtle, right? Well guess what? We got it all wrong again! Much like that time the goons jumped the gun making fun of an unfinished wooden statue, this time around they picked the wrong fucking turtle! As first reported by forums-user Paladinus, it turns out E5, another male galapagos tortoise, is the real sexual athlete of the bunch. Whoops!

Now, I could have just overlooked all that and pretended that these were images of E5 in the first place. It's doubtful anybody would have noticed. But then, what would be the point of documenting Photoshop Phridays if we were to lie about our own mistakes? Here at SA we feel responsible for telling the truth about how art gets made on the forums even if that means airing our oh right the racist cereals thing, I forgot, we have no standards. Whoops again!

Next week- spheres, orbs, and other round type objects! No way that's getting weird and sexual... right?

– Ian "BFM" Helm