Low-Fi Sci-Fi

PAGE OF SHAME

I won't deny it at all. This was a lousy theme. The concept, I think, was worth trying, but most people struggled to come up with good ideas for it. There is a sad minority of people who, even without a good idea, will still whip up an image in ten minutes and submit it in hopes of fame and glory or whatever it is that comes from being in this weekly pixel circus. This makes me cry a lot. I understand the theme being hard, but no one is forcing anyone to try to make images. In fact, I'd prefer people not do anything at all if they can't come up with a good, funny idea. This is all voluntary if you can believe it!

There were quite a few terrible and inexplicable images submitted this week, so it's only fair I take the time to mock some of them in my usual unfunny way. Most of the images on this week's Page of Shame are either completely awful looking, or make no sense whatsoever in the context of the theme, which, again, was about showing what life would be like for science fiction characters and creatures if you stripped them of their advanced technology in some form or another. In other words, if you were an alien from another planet, you probably wouldn't be working at Subway on Planet Earth™ since you are an alien from another planet with no means to leave said planet. There are exceptions I suppose, but, like real life, exceptions are rarely made for the exceptionally ugly.

JarJar jokes aren't all that fun seeing as how he already represents the worst kind of joke there is. That said, poorly pasting his head into a scene from "Roots" doesn't make the world a better place in any way, shape, or form. Nor does the poor Stormtrooper who could only afford a helmet. I guess the Empire is so deprived of technology they only know how to make fancy helmets. What does this image teach us? That Damageinc333 needs to go back to Photoshop school and hopefully be beaten senseless by the Photoshop jocks and maybe given a venereal disease by the Photoshop sluts. You know, some kind of craquelure texture on his genitals.

StreetPreacher attempts to show Darth Vader before his cybernetic upgrades and nifty outfit. Unfortunately, StreetPreacher violates George Lucas' sacred Star Wars canon by contradicting three movies which showed Darth Vader in his early years having never actually warn a hoodie and gasmask. Actually, if you're going to show a young Darth Vader, wouldn't it be cool to do it in a way that looked good and awesome? A guy in a hoodie with a horridly Photoshopped gasmask is not the way to get things done. This image probably took about two minutes to make, contains no comedy value, and looks repulsive. So why was it made? Apparently StreetPreacher hates all of us.

At first I wondered what the hell Flav actually did here. I thought he just took some awful cartoon picture and uploaded it as some kind of cry for help. Turns out he added the Great Gazoo and some kind of idiotic unreadable caption. He's a fucking character from "The Flintstones." Technology or not, he was already in the goddamn Stone Age. SO WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? THIS IS INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT PEOPLE SO GET IT RIGHT! ARGHHHH!!

JMichaelWright is responsible for this and I have no clue as to what the hell it's supposed to be. With a name like JMichaelWright, I expect either some kind of lawyer for drunk drivers or a failed actor, not a terrible 3d artist. You defy my expectations, I'll give you that, but not in a good way. Please never make an image again, sir. Ugly 3d rendered comics do not belong in or around our fair city.