Insane Diet Fads

More than ever, Americans are obsessed with dieting. Obviously this is because roughly 80% of Americans are gargantuan spheres that orbit as satellites around fast food restaurants. I'm not one to sympathize with the overweight, simply because I'm a skinny weakling and the concept of needing to lose weight is beyond my primitive, carefree comprehension. Still, I stand by my notion that the secret to losing weight is to not eat so much and not sit around so much. A lot of people have tried this method and failed, triggering the rise of entire industries catering to unraveling the complex secrets of human pound reduction. At Lowtax's behest, I asked my friends (all of whom hate me and tell me not to call me friends) on the Something Awful Forums to come up with some new weight loss ideas. I think we may have finally figured out how to make people thin and keep them that way.