Media > Photoshop Phriday

It Came From Outer Space

Thursday, Jan 08, 2004 by Josh "Livestock" Boruff (@Livestock)

CHAMBER OF HORRORS

Every week we get a nice unhealthy dose of really bad submissions. Most of the time I ignore them and hope I only imagined that somebody would be crazy enough to upload the jpeg equivalent of a decomposing skunk, but every now and then I show them to you. Why? Because people who don't know Photoshop but submit terrible images anyway deserve to be mocked. And someday someone funny will mock them. On that day, I look forward to retiring. Anyway, here's me whining like a crazy person.

Oh BUBBLE-LEAD, you're such a dunderhead. Could you not have spent a little more than 10 minutes on this grim monstrosity of an image? The very sight of this ghastly affair makes me think that BUBBLE-LEAD learned to cut and paste from no less than a quadriplegic walrus with an umbrella jammed in its lungs. I spit on you and your efforts, BUBBLE-LEAD, for they make a mockery of my hallowed halls! Never load Photoshop again, not even to practice.

Dear Gumbos, thanks for spending a whole five minutes pointlessly pasting C3PO's head on George Bush's body. I especially like how you were too busy organizing your wheat penny collection to bother fixing his hands so that they properly matched his head. I hope your hands get destroyed in an accident involving a collapsed buttress, rendering you forever unable to Photoshop anything ever again. Also I hope the stubs that end where your hands used to begin get cancer. :)

Ickyzor, your myriad contributions are inspiring and empowering. They have both inspired me to scratch out my eyes, and empowered me to choke you to death with them. As to how that works, I don't know, but I assume you're going to have to put my severed eyes in your mouth. I hope you find that thought appetizing. In short: please spend one year training under a Photoshop master in Flanders before submitting anymore pictures. Also: butt.

Believe it or not, there are even more crappy pictures on the next page. Click somewhere practical to continue.

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