When you are about to drink a burning shot or two of Scotch Whisky (or "whiskey" if you're a lowborn beast), it's always best to pick the right distiller. Failing that, because they're all horrible, you might be able to pick the least terrible variety that true connoisseurs force themselves to pretend to enjoy.
 |  Taste of gasoline filtered through an old diabetic's sock. Crisp notes of paint thinner and an astringent burn on the back end redolent of several dangerous things under the sink. |
 Single cask, no chill filtration, robust bleach flavor. Notes of unscented detergent and an oaky formaldehyde finish. |  |
 |  Strong swallow resembles throat full of open herpes sores. Burns the gums and even the teeth. Hot coal sensations with a chemical tinge. A chugging, bunker scouring, Flammenwerfer finish. |
 All of the appeal of lamp oil and cloves. A connoisseur's Scotch. The amateur would be better off drinking a wino's blood. |  |
This Week on Something Awful...
Pardon Our Dust
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Let's improve landmarks
Landmarks and statues around the world: old, boring and could use an update.
Make Horror Wholesome
Join the SA Forum photoshop goons in their quest to make horror wholesome!
Every Conceivable Way EA Could Screw Up Star Wars: Squadrons
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
About This Column
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
Previous Articles
- BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: Space Cult & Leashbreaker
- The Top 17 Worst PC Games Ever (Again)!
- The Alpha Weed Comedian
- Essential Advice From a Legendary Home Chef
- I Can Only Enjoy Video Games With Featureless Blocks as Protagonists
