What Is THREADRIPPER?

You fool. To simply become aware of THREADRIPPER is to submit your entire self to its will. Do you really wish to discover what happens when one inquires about the very nature of That Which Rips?

Very well.

What Is THREADRIPPER?

THREADRIPPER is, in one sense, a computer processor made by AMD. In a broader, metaphysical sense it RIPS THREADS.

Here's how it works: If your computer's got some threads, THREADRIPPER will rip 'em for you. This increases power and efficiency. After all, an unripped thread is just one (1) thread, whereas a ripped thread can be ripped into at least two (2) threads, if not more. When you consider all the electricity flying around in a computer, that adds up quickly!

What Is THREADRIPPER?

This PC Gamer headline is self-explannatory.

There you are. Case closed. I know 80% of those words and understood 10% of that headline.

Here's how it works: You're getting the high score as your streaming fans cheer you on. Suddenly the game slows down. Oh no! You're forced to hit the pause button. Time to climb under your desk, open your computer case, and manually clean out all those threads.

There has to be a better way! There is! THREADRIPPER uses its RIPPING technology to destroy (or rip) those THREADS automatically, keeping your framerate radded out to the max. The best part? It doesn't run on spaghetti! No need to put spaghetti inside your computer!

What Is THREADRIPPER?

THREADRIPPER is a dinner plate that also happens to be a computer processor.

Why is it so big? Think about how many more THREADS can be crammed in there, for RIPPING. Oh, wait. you don't have the spare brainpower think about that, because you don't have THREADRIPPER.

Here's how it works: A normal computer's CPU is old and dumb as hell, with wires that are too slow. THREADRIPPER is so fast it doesn't even have wires in it.

What Is THREADRIPPER?

A good hardware that comes in a futuristic safe.

Here's how it works: There's a knob (you can see it in the image above on the right) that says "Unlock The Power". You turn that knob. Turn the knob. Dude, turn the knob. It's power.

Please don't break the safe open to get at the THREADRIPPER! If you extract THREADRIPPER without turning that knob, the power will not be unlocked. You will only be left with an ordinary CPU. The gamer blood that spills as a result will be on your hands.

What Is THREADRIPPER?

It's a mega-core. MEGA-CORE.

Here's how it works: In a normal processor data travels along one path, down, following gravity. That's to keep the bits moving. THREADRIPPER is a MEGA-CORE which allows bits to travel in all directions, defying the very laws of physics.

The result is far better multi-tasking. That means you can simultaneously:

- bookmark a recipe
- see the current time
- move the mouse around on the screen real fast
- play a twelve minute YouTube video explaining how to play a YouTube video
- spin in your chair (only available for users with spinny chairs)
- join the conversation

What Is THREADRIPPER?

Hey. Hey, you. You got any THREADS? Consider them RIPPED!

Here's how it works: Larger lanes means larger gains, bro. It just makes sense. Bigger chips means fewer frame dips. Huger wafers means gaming's safer. Vaster circuits means your computer won't quits.

THREADS are scum to be RIPPED without mercy. Doing so floods your system in a wave of righteousness, making every part run better.

– Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell (@DennisFarrell)