| Are you concerned about the state of the economy? | |
 Dawn CatwandPrayer Bus Volunteer | "I'm doin' just fine with the ARM on the house I flipped for my cats to live in. It just hit 60% and I love even numbers!" |
 Sgt. J.J. PillockU.S. Army | "I lost my legs in Iraq, do you think I care about economies?" |
 Rhett RacecarMILF Hunter | "Mannnnnn, fuck inflation is all I know. This $6.50 an hour Denny's is paying is not buying as much mail order weed from Mexico as it was a couple years ago." |
 Brian MultitoastHemp Advocate | "We're hurtin' here, man. We're hurtin' bad. We're headed for the third freakin' world. I can't even afford to upgrade my iPhone." |
 Jeineane FizzMarketing | "Every day I wake up in a cold sweat afraid they're going to bring back the death tax. I'm due for a cool 15 million when my mom finally croaks. I don't think I could get by on 14.2 million." |
 Rudy GiulianiImmigrant | "My engineering firm always has work from civil projects. As long as America needs highway overpasses for its veterans we'll be in the black." |
| If you could vote for whoever you wanted, who is your fantasy president? | |
| Dawn Catwand Prayer Bus Volunteer | "I would like to vote for Dr. Phil, but with a beard. A white beard like Santa Claus or God. And milk-giving breasts." |
| Sgt. J.J. Pillock U.S. Army | "The Duke. John Wayne didn't know diddly squat about policies and committees, but he knew four things: Nazis, commies, gooks, and Indians, and he knew how to bayonet all of 'em." |
| Rhett Racecar MILF Hunter | "I think they always say 'who you want to have a beer with' is how you should pick. In that case my fantasy president is a broad with a huge rack who will get drunk off one beer and then come back to my house and let me throw some beef in her." |
| Brian Multitoast Hemp Advocate | "Have you ever seen Fritz the Cat?" |
| Jeineane Fizz Marketing | "Javier Bardem. Did you see him without that haircut? OH. MY. FUCKIN. GOD. Hoooootttttttt!" |
| Rudy Giuliani Immigrant | "At this point? I think I'd like to see Fidel Castro as president just to watch America try to embargo itself." |
Will these views hold up until November? Will the shifting political sands realign and give new life to candidates that seem to be falling by the wayside? One thing is certain, these six voters will never be afraid of offering their real opinion!
–
This Week on Something Awful...
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About This Column
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
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