August 29th, 2009
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 Tiger:Sent: 03:19 PM 08/29/2009:I need that so bad | ||
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 Joslyn: Sent: 03:27 PM 08/29/2009:sry at dentist getting abscess drained when did you want to hook up? | ||
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| Tiger:Sent: 03:29 PM 08/29/2009: Now:) | ||
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| Joslyn: Sent: 03:29 PM 08/29/2009: your petrified fuckstick in my chrissy cooter is what I need | ||
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| Joslyn: Sent: 03:30 PM 08/29/2009: hang on gotta spit blood n pus out | ||
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| Tiger:Sent: 03:30 PM 08/29/2009: Me to. I would wear you out | ||
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 Joslyn: Sent: 05:48 PM 08/29/2009:Alright, he's just using the vacuum thing now. So did you take the pill everyones talking about that adds inches? | ||
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| Tiger:Sent: 03:32 PM 08/29/2009: I have no idea. I would love to have the ability to make you sore | ||
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| Joslyn: Sent: 03:34 PM 08/29/2009: Yeah I would love that too cuz my fantasy is I want to walk around like a cowboy all day the next day | ||
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| Tiger:Sent: 03:35 PM 08/29/2009: In a week. I will try to wear you out | ||
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 Joslyn: Sent: 03:35 PM 08/29/2009:hope you figure out how to turn into a stationary bicycle | ||
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| Tiger:Sent: 03:36 PM 08/29/2009: After i cum you better start sucking my cock to get it hard | ||
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| Joslyn: Sent: 03:37 PM 08/29/2009: After I cum you should call NYT and become star reporter cuz you just broke unlikeliest story of 2009. | ||
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| Tiger:Sent: 03:37 PM 08/29/2009: Do you ever hook up with other guys or girls | ||
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| Joslyn: Sent: 03:40 PM 08/29/2009: Are you retarded? Do you remember what my job is? | ||
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| Tiger:Sent: 03:41 PM 08/29/2009: You didnt answer the question | ||
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| Joslyn: Sent: 03:42 PM 08/29/2009 I might have hooked up with a girl once or twice on the set of Oops I Swallowed and It Tastes Like 40 Years Old. | ||
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| Tiger:Sent: 03:43 PM 08/29/2009: Ok. I would like to have a threesome with you and another girl you trust | ||
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| Joslyn: Sent: 03:46 PM 08/29/2009: Like my mom? | ||
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| Tiger:Sent: 03:48 PM 08/29/2009: Does that excite you at all or no | ||
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| Joslyn: Sent: 03:50 PM 08/29/2009: My mom died two years ago. | ||
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| Tiger:Sent: 03:52 PM 08/29/2009: God girl. You better want to take care of me | ||
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| Joslyn: Sent: 03:54 PM 08/29/2009: Dang keep trying to sneak a toot, but I think the dentist can tell I have been rippin rude the whole time he's been sucking the blood out of my mouth. | ||
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| Tiger:Sent: 04:02 PM 08/29/2009: I want to treat you rough. Throw you around, spank and slap you | ||
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| Joslyn: Sent: 04:04 PM 08/29/2009: Oh thats hot. I want to drive over your legs with a truck and roll you out of a carpet down some stairs. | ||
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 Tiger:Sent: 04:06 PM 08/29/2009:Slap your face. Treat you like a dirty little whore. Put my cock in your ass and then shove it down your throat | ||
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| Joslyn: Sent: 04:06 PM 08/29/2009: I wanna do side kicks on your balls and dick until they turn black and fall off then I'm gonna tee them up and hit them in the water hazard (toilet). | ||
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| Tiger:Sent: 04:07 PM 08/29/2009: You are my fucking whore | ||
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| Joslyn: Sent: 04:08 PM 08/29/2009: Fill a bag with my raunchy pussy farts and you breathe nothing but cunt air all night. Fuck like beasts and you got to take a breath out of the cunt bag. | ||
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| Tiger:Sent: 04:08 PM 08/29/2009: Hold you down while i choke you and Fuck that ass that i own | ||
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| Joslyn: Sent: 04:09 PM 08/29/2009: Burn down Ronald McDonald House and gas-brake-dip in the parking lot until there's nothing left but ashes and crying cancer kids. | ||
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| Tiger:Sent: 04:10 PM 08/29/2009: Then im going to tell you to shut the Fuck up while i slap your face and pull your hair for making noise | ||
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| Joslyn: Sent: 04:11 PM 08/29/2009: I'm gonna use KGB psycho torture to convince you the only way to save your family is to rob a bank for me. | ||
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| Tiger:Sent: 04:21 PM 08/29/2009: Where do you want to be bitten | ||
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| Joslyn: Sent: 04:23 PM 08/29/2009: Have you ever seen In Bruges? I would like to be bitten in my bruges. | ||
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| Tiger:Sent: 04:24 PM 08/29/2009: Ok. Now your talking. Whatever i want. You are mine | ||
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| Joslyn: Sent: 04:31 PM 08/29/2009: Ownership society was largely discredited by the economic collapse of 2008. The reality of ownership is a sea of consumer debt. | ||
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| Tiger:Sent: 04:39 PM 08/29/2009: Whatever else turns you on | ||
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| Joslyn: Sent: 04:42 PM 08/29/2009: Right now I am enjoying this video montage of babies tasting lemons. Ha ha, they take a bite and make the face and then take another bite! | ||
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| Tiger:Sent: 04:43 PM 08/29/2009: You tell me what you like | ||
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| Joslyn: Sent: 03:37 PM 08/29/2009: I think the dentist might have felt up my tits while he was operating on my gums. I try to be very careful about raper men. | ||
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| Tiger:Sent: 04:48 PM 08/29/2009: You are. Always will be. Don't trust people | ||
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| Tiger:Sent: 04:48 PM 08/29/2009: But you still have not told me what turns you on | ||
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| Joslyn: Sent: 04:50 PM 08/29/2009: Pro golfers with micro peens. I wanna tear beggin strips off that mini fuck pole and clean out my sinuses with your pga spooge. | ||
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| Tiger:Sent: 04:53 PM 08/29/2009: I know you have tried every positing imaginable but what turns you on besides a dp | ||
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| Joslyn: Sent: 04:56 PM 08/29/2009: wanna get pozed by a buggy thuggy on the back nine u bring the hazard and I'll bring the holes and u can make me fail my mandated monthly | ||
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| Tiger:Sent: 5:00 PM 08/29/2009: I really do want to be rough with you. Slap you around | ||
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| Joslyn: Sent: 05:08 PM 08/29/2009: Drive a tractor over my implants. Treat my tits like fruit gushers. Chain me in a barn loft and forget me. | ||
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| Tiger:Sent: 05:12 PM 08/29/2009: For years. And punish you for not seeing me more | ||
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| Joslyn: Sent: 05:13 PM 08/29/2009: Force me inside a bean bag chair and make me furni up for a party. Want stranger butts on my bean bag body. | ||
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| Tiger:Sent: 05:15 PM 08/29/2009: I want you to beg for my cock. Kiss you all over to convince me to let you have it in your mouth | ||
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| Joslyn: Sent: 05:17 PM 08/29/2009: Fill a sack with doorknobs and beat me until I can't stand then make me gravity bong your boner brine. | ||
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| Tiger:Sent: 05:18 PM 08/29/2009: We will see how bad you want me | ||
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| Joslyn: Sent: 05:19 PM 08/29/2009: Bad enough to log off WoW mid-raid. | ||
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| Tiger:Sent: 05:26 PM 08/29/2009: Next time i see you, you better beg and if you don't do it right i will slap, spank, bite and fuck you till mercy | ||
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| Joslyn: Sent: 05:28 PM 08/29/2009: I literally can't stop farting. I wish I knew what I ate that is doing this. I feel like I'm giving birth to fart babies. | ||
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This Week on Something Awful...
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The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
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