Hope for Trump Supporters: Steven Seagal for President 2020

First, the bad news for Trump supporters: It's rigged.

Everything is rigged; the media, the polls, the elections, and maybe even the ancestor simulation we live in being run by unseen computers. There is nothing a cadre of hackers can do before November 28th to shift seven points nationally. There are just too many mysterious dead Latinos willing to vote multiple times and politically correct sheeple offended by locker room talk. They can't be defeated by unskewing the polls.

The system will not allow Donald J. Trump to become president. That does not mean the movement he has created has to die with his campaign. Think about how sick people are of Hillary Clinton in 2016. Imagine how much sicker they will be of her by 2020 after she has started a nuclear war with Russia.

The atmosphere by 2019 will be ripe for change and I present to you the ultimate change agent:

Pros

• Powerful supporters. Already endorsed by Putin and Joe Arpaio.
• Law and Order candidate. Steven Seagal has served as a law enforcement officer and even driven a police tank into a Latino house, killing a vicious dog. He literally had a TV show titled "Steven Seagal: Lawman."
• Famous. Hugely famous. He has killed Tommy Lee Jones by gouging out his eye, stabbing his head, and slamming him into a radar screen. I bet Hillary Clinton can't say that. He has even given his life to save the president on Air Force One by being blown out of the airlock (?) of a stealth fighter.
• Handsome. He has the serene good looks of an Easter Island statue combined with a beard resembling a delicious donut of hair someone has ring tossed onto his face. Also has an extremely natural full head of hair that is definitely not sprayed onto his head every day.
• Great with women. Unlike Trump, Steven Seagal doesn't have any bad dirt things about women, because the lawsuit claiming he kept a woman locked in a sex dungeon in Louisiana was dismissed.
• Connects with cultures so well, he is often mistaken as Chinese and Native American and no one is offended. No one. Don't look.
• Tier One Operator. Forget Chris Kyle and Marine Todd, JSOC is calling in Seagal to deal with the number one threat to our freedom: Mexican ISIS terrorists having Zika anchor babies in America.
• Very religious. Steven Seagal can often be seen doing the "praying hands" in public and on red carpets. He is so religious, he even prays right in front of godless Hollywood paparazzi.

Cons

• Deadly. His mastery of Aikido and knowledge of firearms makes him so deadly that Secret Service agents will no longer be needed to protect him.
• Healthy. Might keep Michelle Obama's vegetable garden. He likes carrots very much.
• Lyrical. He want the punaani, see for make nice. In other words, his ravishing dance hall patois will turn America's daughters into big hole gyals.
  

That's it. All the cons. There is nothing else objectionable or negative to say about Steven Seagal. He is ready for duty. Now it's up to America and the man himself to put a stop to Hillary Clinton in 2020.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)