SkyMall Product Reviews: Hollywood Smiles Teeth Whitening Kit

This article is part of the SkyMall Product Reviews series.

Hollywood Smiles Teeth Whitening Kit - gets teeth up to four shades whiter in less than an hour!

Customer Rating:
By Ainsley from Las Vegas, NV

Is the bright light this emits a choking hazard? Will I accidentally swallow light? I don't want to disintegrate as my molecules succumb to the powerful light trapped inside me. I'm also worried about damage light might cause to my colon as it passes through my body, gaining tremendous speeds like in a particle accelerator.

This seems excessively dangerous. I WILL NOT BE PURCHASING IT. One star.

Age: 31-35

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Customer Rating:
By PeanutMan Mesa, AZ

WHAT a RIPOFF!!!!!

You can get the same effect by smiling at the sun for a few hours every day, which is what I do. Guess what, bucko? The Sun is 100% free, delivered to your front door every day.

Age: 41-45

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Customer Rating:
By DancingAngel from Asheville, NC

I have been using this on my dog for the last few days and he's looking noticeably more handsome, but not enough to fool the judges at the dancing contest. Looks like I'll be tapping my feet on the sidelines once again.

Age: 66-70

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Customer Rating:
By Yoncey from Columbia, MO

This is meant for one end and one end only. I used it on the wrong end and it didn't have any whitening effect, and now I'm not putting it anywhere near my mouth. What a huge design flaw.

Age: 31-35

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Customer Rating:
By ForeverJorts from Rochester, MN

Is it legal to use this without someone's consent? They are in no pain, fully restrained and not conscious, so it shouldn't be an issue.

Age: 36-40

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Customer Rating:
By TeddyBear from Aurora, CO

I accidentally swallowed mine and now my stomach is lit up and my dog won't stop freaking out. Is this toxic? Will my body digest it safely? VERY WORRIED.

Age: 26-30

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Customer Rating:
By Big Hats from Thermopolis, WY

I can't tell if it's working but it's a lot of fun to use. Does it also work on horses or do they have different kinds of teeth?

Age: 26-30

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Customer Rating:
By FerretBreeder4Justice from Pullman, WA

Very pleasant! Wow. Like playing a harmonica except instead of producing sounds, it bombards you with light!

It has successfully burned off my lips and gums but made my teeth much whiter. Once my face grows back, I'll be a winning ticket.

Age: 31-35

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Customer Rating:
By UnapologeticMRA from Montgomery, AL

As far as I can tell, this works perfectly. I don't own any mirrors, but my teeth definitely feel several shades whiter. Is this powerful enough to cook meat? I need to know if I should be looking out for any side effects.

Age: 21-25

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Customer Rating:
By PeanutMan1 from Hershey, PA

PERFECTION! My smile is now blinding. By using it nonstop for three straight days, I calculate that my teeth are now 288 shades whiter, beyond the ability of the human eye to perceive. In short, I am quantifiably magnificent and better than most all other people.

Please disregard any reviews by "PeanutMan" as he is an online identity thief and not qualified to provide objective reviews.

Age: 41-45

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Customer Rating:
By DeciduousPubes from Provo, UT

DOES NOT HOLD UP TO VIGOROUS SALIVATING.

Age: 26-30

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Customer Rating:
By HotDoug from Vineland, NJ

Using lenses I have focused the intensity of the light to unprecedented levels, and am currently using the device to incinerate a goat. I am pleased.

Age: 31-35

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– Josh "Livestock" Boruff (@Livestock)