SkyMall Product Reviews: King Tut Life-Sized Cabinet

This article is part of the SkyMall Product Reviews series.

Customer Review:
By Gail from Tallahassee, FL

Somewhat inconvenient. Once closed this sarcophagus cannot be opened for 2000 years. I've been on the horn with customer service for hours trying to get that time reduced, but they say there is no way to defy the seal without grave consequences. If you're fine with that, it still makes an excellent decoration piece that looks good with anything. We have a nautical theme for our living room and Mr. Tut fits right in with all the anchors, lighthouses and wooden ships.

Age: 46-50

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Customer Review:
By Rory

This is the fifth item I've ordered from SkyMall that's placed me under a curse. Most SkyMall curses are pretty tolerable, but this one is filled with horrible visions of scarabs eating my children's flesh. The cabinet itself is OK, but I haven't been able to get it open again and all of my Tracy Chapman CDs are inside. I just wish King Tut would be a little bit more civil about all this.

Age: 36-40

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Customer Review:
Proud Patriot Grandma from Kansas City, MO

Help! Our grandson put my remote inside the Tut and closed it and now we can't get it out and Diagnosis Murder is almost on. Can't get the darn thing open.

Age: 66-70

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Customer Review:
By Chad from Enumclaw, WA

Never thought it would happen to me, but I found a baby skeleton in mine. Super excited, since it's the first skeleton of any sort I've ever owned, let alone found in a mummy cabinet I ordered from a catalog.

Age: 21-25

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Customer Review:
By Carlyle Butts from Jackson, MS

i've entombed two wives in these things and they work great. plan to entomb a third any day now.

highly recommended. If it works for the pharaohs, it'll work for my wives.

Age: 46-50

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Customer Review:
By Eugene Pepperwits, Curator

I am professional museum curator and let me tell you: these cabinets are the genuine article. King Tut himself would be pleased as punch to store his favorite canopic jars and mummified birds in one of these. I use mine to store my Everybody Loves Raymond and King of Queens DVD sets.

Age: 41-45

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Customer Review:
By Hope from Wichita, KS

I purchased this for my husband as a reward for a good harvest. Since getting it, our crops have withered and the bankers are circling the farm like vultures. A terrible curse has fallen upon our family, and King Tut and SkyMall are to blame. Do not buy this product, for you tamper with forces lacking in respect for the hardships of the American farmer.

Age: 51-55

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Customer Review:
By Alvin from Missoula, MT

Horrible visions... fifteen plagues, three already here, twelve more to come. Swarms of locust in flight, day dark like night now... scales overflowing with viscera... a river of blood... moon and stars leaking from the sky... everything poison... the cobra rising from the sands to hiss, to strike... shrieking voices ringing in my ears... like talons clawing into brain... not the cabinetry I expected.

Age: 36-40

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Customer Review:
By WideOpenBuddy

Wonder how hard it would be to take out all the cabinet parts and cut a little pee-hole in the thing? Need to know quick if I am to make this purchase and win back my girlfriend.

Age: 31-35

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Customer Review:
By Adam from Casper, WY

Does anyone know how to get in touch with the man sitting on the throne reading the book next to the sarcophagus? He looks like my dad who I have not seen in almost twenty years, when he told my mom he was going to Egypt on business.

Dad... is that you???? Please contact Adam and Sandy we are not mad anymore we just want to know why you left.

Age: 26-30

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Customer Review:
By PharaohDad

Bulls***. They'll slap King Tut's name on anything just to make a buck. Makes me sick. Just buy a regular sarcophagus cabinet and don't fall for the marketing tricks.

Age: 31-35

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– Josh "Livestock" Boruff (@Livestock)