SkyMall Product Reviews: Goddess of Light Floor Lamp

This article is part of the SkyMall Product Reviews series.

Offering up a crystalline resin urn of golden light, our nearly life-size maiden illuminates any decor with her mesmerizing silhouette and ethereal presence.

Customer Rating:
By Bright Eyes from Williamsport, PA

This is a very stupid way to carry a jug. She's going to drop the damn thing! Of all the nude-carrying-a-jug-themed lamps in my collection, this one is probably the most ill-conceived. What a joke... except I'm not laughing.

Age: 36-40

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Customer Rating:
By No1Dad from Ogden, CO

Not impressed. I expected more from a $599 lamp. I thought maybe this would sing or dance, like those bears at the Chuck-E-Cheese. If I knew it was just going to stand there and put out very faint light, I would have just bought an animatronic singing bear like I wanted to in the first place. I couldn't possibly be more disappointed, and I'm already hugely disappointed in a lot of things: my kids, my wife, my house, my country, my president, my car, my job, etc.

Age: 46-50

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Customer Rating:
By Waterworks from Fort Wayne, IN

This lamp ruined my marriage, but I would do it all again in a heartbeat. I swore to my new mail order wife I was out of the pleasure lamp game for good, but this one I could not pass up. I'm back in!

I ordered six of 'em for good measure, and completely maxed out the credit cards.

She got some Tall Chinese Man to come and take the fridge and some furniture. You may have gotten my fridge, but I've got enough of these babies to keep the house bathed in 40 watts of pure sensual light.

Age: 56-60

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Customer Rating:
By InfoWarsVeteran from Bismarck, ND

The prudes at work hate it. The fascists from HR (Hitler Reenactors) have already wrapped a company hoodie around it and started circulating BS emails saying we can't bring in erotic lighting or statues into the office. The world has it out for working men with good taste, and this proves it.

Age: 56-60

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Customer Rating:
By Eagle Eye Jerry from Potato, ID

How much for just the jug? Write me back and let me know. I've already got a few nude statues that could make use of a glowing jug.

Age: 26-30

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Customer Rating:
By Gus from Yakima, WA

Very satisfied with this lamp. For obvious reasons my family can never know I purchased this, which is why I keep it in a metal shipping container I bought and hid and the woods.

Age: 41-45

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Customer Rating:
By Marty from Lawton, OK

A great addition to my Caligula-themed front porch. The neighbors are clearly impressed, given how much they stare and jealously scowl at me. I always knew I'd be the talk of the town.

Age: 31-35

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Customer Rating:
By Enlightened from Rowbutt, LA

Two words: GAME CHANGER. Your move, light fixtures industry.

SO PUMPED.

Age: 41-45

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Customer Rating:
By Lamp Ray from Cheyenne, WY

Does not handle moisture well. When I took it in the shower, it didn't take long before I got a really nasty shock and then smoke started coming out. This clearly was not engineered to withstand normal wear and tear.

Age: 31-35

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Customer Rating:
By SugarRayFan from Newport Beach, CA

It's not very bright. I had to purchase a few spotlights to keep the naked lady portion of the lamp properly illuminated. The downside of that is it makes my house a lot hotter and drives up my energy bill. On that note, the designers were awfully conservative with the breast size. Guys, you could put at least $120-140 more worth of high quality resin on there. No need to pinch pennies, especially if you increase the value and get more sales. Also, why is the jug the illuminated portion? Doesn't make the slightest bit of sense. Is she transporting radioactive materials in that? The sensible thing to do would have the breasts be illuminated, like they are in my DIY mod. Would be happy to talk to your sculptor at length and share my knowledge and wisdom so he can do it right the next time. I'll keep calling until I get through.

Age: 46-50

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Customer Rating:
By Blade Master from Overland Park, KS

40 watts? Are you kidding me? I was all set to buy one until I saw how massively underpowered it was. I was all set to install this on the roof of my house, but I'm not going to impress anybody with a measly 40 watts. You clowns should be ashamed. I hope your clown car crashes into a ditch, bozos. Get out of the lighting game.

Age: 41-45

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Customer Rating:
By Joey from Goat's Remorse, TN

WHY DOES THIS LOOK LIKE MY SISTER??? NOT COOOL

TAKE THIS DOWN SKYMALL

Age: 16-20

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– Josh "Livestock" Boruff (@Livestock)