SkyMall Product Reviews: Head & Eye Massager

This article is part of the SkyMall Product Reviews series.

Its precisely positioned airbags soothingly squeeze and vibrate to melt away headaches, stiff neck and fatigue. Special massage nodes dedicated to the temple area relieve tension, while high frequency magnetic fields stimulate pressure points to encourage vigor and mental clarity. You can even customize your experience.

Customer Review:
By randal from Columbia, MD

I can't tell if I just had a really good massage or this helmet has a virtual reality component, but I swear I was naked and running down the street plowing through people. It was a weird sensation and felt so real. My headache was gone. Everything was great afterwards.

Peace. Namaste.

Age: 31-35

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Customer Review:
By randal from Columbia, MD

I'm the guy who posted the review above. I guess I was sleep running through the street and slamming into a lot of neighbors and mailboxes and things. Just saw the footage on the evening news. I was naked, but nothing too sexual happened and everyone understood.

Peace. Namaste.

Age: 31-35

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Customer Review:
By deciduouspubes from San Francisco, CA

Not the eyeball massage I was hoping for. Way too gentle. Too timid. I wanted this to punish my 'balls more. These hot glistening man orbs can handle a tight squeeze and loads of throbbing pressure. Want to feel them bursting like grapes.

Wish they would have put a warning in the catalog that this isn't for serious users. Pathetic.

Age: 36-40

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Customer Review:
By bichonlover from Warsaw, VA

I purchased this as a gift for my husband and it immediately fractured his skull. He's fine now but there was a lot of therapy and memory loss involved. He loves the product and still uses it nightly.

Age: 41-45

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Customer Review:
By grace from Billings, MT

I got this for my horse who has been under a lot of stress lately. Long story short we are no longer on good terms. What a terrible product. I will not be recommending this head/eye scratcher to others and I am a very influential person.

Age: 36-40

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Customer Review:
By Plumpster from Macon, GA

I am disabled (obesity) and this helmet does not stretch to match my progressive head size. I am an American and I demand this company comply with the American's With Disabilities Act and make a model that fits above-average heads. Very few people have heads small enough to work with this. I need my eyeballs massaged regularly to prevent clots and chafing that comes from having extremely meaty and heavy eyelids.

Age: 46-50

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Customer Review:
By achybreakyhead from Rockford, IL

I've tried just about everything to deal with my constant headaches. You name it, I've given it a spin. Laser therapy, crystal realignments, having a large man sit on my chakras, having a guy karate chop the back of my head, having a tiny old lady balance hot rocks on my forehead, smearing peanut butter on my scalp and having between six and seven dogs go to town, having my wife squeeze my head between her thighs, letting kids throw rocks at my head, holding my breath for minutes on end, having loud drunks scream into my ears... nothing worked. This product, though, has done wonders in not making the pain worse. Best therapy yet. Can't recommend it enough.

SWEET RELIEF!

Age: 36-40

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Customer Review:
By ronman54 from Norman, OK

I got confused and thought this was the famous helmet that blasts the scalp with lasers to increase hair growth. Well, quite frankly, it's not. I still like it. Because I'm really sweaty this thing tends to vibrate off. Makes me feel like my head is a mechanical bull and the helmet is a gorgeous 5'8" blonde in Daisy Dukes with a lot of leg/back tattoos and just the right amount of hair and meat on her bones trying hard to stay on top. Hopefully the next version will also blast scalp with lasers while massaging.

Age: 46-50

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Customer Review:
By Jonas from Elko, NV

Pros: It fits extremely tightly around my head and then shakes violently while inflating bags around my eyeballs.

Cons: Absolutely none.

Age: 36-40

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– Josh "Livestock" Boruff (@Livestock)