SA Hosting Rejections

Ladies and gentlemen, how NOT to ask for hosting on SA:

Yes, it sometimes takes me over a week to answer email. Sometimes two weeks. Sweet talk demanding I "pick up the pace" probably isn't going to help your cause any. I've had over 248 hosting requests in five days, so it may take me a while to get to yours. In the meantime, why don't you enjoy some wholesome, family entertainment?

Daily Radar, the online gaming magazine known throughout the industry for being "a site which contains both the words 'Daily' and 'Radar' in its name", has a wonderful, smash-hit deal for all you aspiring webmasters out there looking to cash in on the fame and fortune of running your own gaming website! Sounds too good to be true? Well it isn't, you stupid, ignorant bastard! Check out this incredible opportunity their site is offering!

Wow! A WHOLE .03 CENTS PER CLICKTHROUGH... AND you get to be associated with the infinite mass of countless ad boxes that is Daily Radar? That's too good to be true! Let's see... I want to go all out and treat Angela and myself to a fancy dinner at Wendy's. That should probably cost around $9.00 max. Now to earn enough money for us to both eat at Wendy's, people will only have to click on my Daily Radar link a mere 30,000 times! What a fabulous deal! Let's also assume that Daily Radar gets the absolute bare-bottom minimum CPM of $5.00 per 1,000 hits (there's so many ads on each page, I doubt they get any less). This means that you earn $9 for every $150 you send them! Boy, Daily Radar is sure coming through for us gamers! If they keep on providing such remarkably fabulous offers, my exclamation point key may just spontaneously combust from all the times I press it!!!

PS: Daily Radar is fresh, funny, and "in your face"! An extra wet kiss goes out to Alex who found this monstrosity of "humor" (I assume that was the original intent of the article, although after reading it again, I am not quite sure). How he discovered this masterpiece wedged between countless ad boxes and ad boxes disguised as "featured content", I'll never know. Hell, I'll probably never even know why he was visiting Daily Radar in the first place. I assume he lost a bet.

Ooh, what's this? Four new cards from the Heroes of the Gaming Industry green deck? Girl, you know it's true!

More fun than you can shake an array of sticks at!

Although it's not nearly as entertaining as an email demanding I hurry the hell up and reply, Cliff Yablonski was kind enough to send me this gem:

Oh, that Cliff Yablonski! He always brings a tear to my eye... but never for the right reasons.