RockTalk.com

Chunk of Pavement Found Behind the Safeway

Review by: woosports67
RockTalk Rank: King Boulder

I'm a sports fan. And like any sports fan, I enjoy a good, healthy celebration whenever my favorite team comes out on top. So as soon as my wife witnessed the Green Bay Packers' victory over the Pittsburgh Steelers last Sunday, she knew by the childlike gleam in my eye that a certain husband of hers was ready to paint the town red. Before she could say "No fires this time!" I found myself in the strip mall district, ready to show some faggot windows what this cheesehead was made of.

Now, our town stopped landscaping with rocks after last year's unfortunate homecoming incident (R.I.P. Britney Stambaugh hope you're doing cheers up in Heaven), so old woosports67 had to improvise. Thanks to my regular lotto ticket trips, I knew that the Safeway was digging up their back lot to put in a new septic tank. I scooped up the biggest piece of asphalt I could find, and chucked it through that asshole Cold Stone Creamery just a few buildings away. It might not have had the elegance of your common ground rock, but it sure got the job done! Plus I was able to sleep without having those horrible nightmares about my stepdad. Asphalt, you just might have won over this dyed in the wool rock jock.

Zach Miller's Geode

Review by: beebersuxXxXx
RockTalk Rank: Shoulder Chip

so zach miller brought a geode to school and he thought he was some hot $#!+ (sorry mom told me not to swaer on this) bc his uncle went to the geode museum in conneticut. and then no one was payng attention to my new DS game so i tell everyone that zach likes geodes because he eats rocks because he's fat (zach is fat irl). zach heres this and gives me the stink eye so i go "how you like ur geode now?" and throw it at the blackboard. the dumb thing exploded like a snowball and i ran up to the front of the class to grab the crystals inside and now i find out that there not worth any money???? so now instead of going on the school trip i hafta write like ten pages on respecting others properties. god i hate high school so much!!!!!!

ps: ms. phargas is a dumb &!+(# and she has some rank @$$ breath