Your Public Domain Comic Book Could Be Trashier

Turning a public domain character into a boob comic seems like a great plan. You don't have to come up with your own ideas or pay to license someone else's. Potential readers see the book's cover and think, "Hey, I've heard of that character, and I've also heard of breasts/guns/steampunk."

The thing is, you've got to really go all out. You know your comic doesn't have anything else going for it, so don't take half measures when it comes to gross nonsense. These public domain comics need to follow my advice if they want to live up to their full trash potential.

Little Red Riding Hood is covered in blood and freakin' loving it. A good start, but maybe there could be more blood? And a caption coming out of her mouth saying, "(orgasm sounds)"? Also, it seems like you missed a huge opportunity to draw more attention to her silhouetted privates by having the wolf with the world's tinest mouth stare at her crotch, his eyes bulging cartoonishly.

Alice is far too recognizable. Where are the ammo belts? The unnecessary clothing tears? The badass curved knives tucked into carefully exposed underwear? This is a sexy Halloween costume at best.

This angle makes it impossible to determine if we're dealing with white thigh-highs and ruby ten-inch high heel shoes. Also, since Dorothy isn't holding a clockwork pitchfork rifle, at the very least she could be using her hands to make an "index finger going into a hole" gesture.

If you're setting out to create the most modest Witchblade cover of all time, great. Otherwise, a super sexy Ursula should be cradling the mermaid with her milfy tentacles, both characters sexily gasping at Triton's severed head.

I feel like the pose could be a little more awkward. Like, why isn't she twisted around far enough for the viewer to see her entire chest?

You went a little overboard on the number of steampunk elements here. Sherlock is also oversexualized, showing too much skin for my liking. Maybe balance these elements out by giving him a huge gun?

Uhhh... all joking aside, I'm starting to feel uncomfortable.

Who is this even supposed to be? Does she leave her crotch exposed so she can stare down at it pensively like this? This was a bad idea. I no longer remember a time when this seemed like a good idea.

– Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell (@DennisFarrell)