The Night Before Catsmas

Twas the night before Catsmas, and all through the land
Theaters downloaded patches, to fix Judi Dench's hand

And I in my gaming chair, and Lowtax in his full body cast
Had just settled in, to watch a Korean webrip of Cats

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
I overcame my agoraphobia to see what was the matter

When what to my wondering eyes should be spied
But a miniature sleigh pulled by eight terrible CGIs

With a little blue driver so lively and fast
I knew in a moment it must be movie Sonic (first pass)

"Now Lawnmower Man, now Young Jabba!
Now 100 Agent Smiths and Dancing Baby!
On Dragonheart, on I Am Legend infected!
On Scorpion King and Crystal Skull monkey!"

So up to the house-top the monstrosities they flew
With a sleigh full of gifts and human-toothed Sonic too

A wriggling bundle he had flung on his back
And he looked like a pervert opening his pack

He deposited the gifts, under our decorated tree
A dozen Cats, half rendered and completely horny

Each had a blurry face and breasts without nipples
That swelled as they dry humped human-faced pickles

Every cat moaned, spread-legged to present its sex
And in my throat collided a gasp and gag reflex

Sonic sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a shrill whine
And away they all flew from the scene of the crime

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight
HAPPY CATSDAY TO ALL, AND TO ALL CGI FRIGHTS!

– Dennis Farrell (@DennisFarrell)