Never Trust a Fox in His Green Meadow...

Streicher on trial.Julius Streicher was hanged to death in 1946. He had to be dragged to the gallows kicking, spitting, and screaming at his jailors. As he approached the hangman's noose he shrieked "Heil Hitler!" As the stone-faced Americans in their pressed green uniforms pushed him up the steps he cried "And now I go to God!" Finally, as the executioners slipped the noose around his neck rage boiled across his features and he stared with hatred at the witnesses. "Purimfest 1946!" he cried. The lever was pulled. Streicher's neck snapped like dry wood and his legs thrashed spasmodically. He shit himself and a wet gurgle flecked with blood passed his lips.

His strange last words resonated with the Jews who heard them. Purim is the Jewish celebration of deliverance from Haman, the ruler of Persia, who sought to exterminate the Jews and ended up being hanged. The fact that Streicher empathized with Haman does not lessen the truth of his mad words. The Jewish people had once again barely survived to witness justice exacted on those who would see the Jews exterminated.

Streicher is infamous among those who have more than a casual interest in the Second World War. For the rest of the population his name is half-forgotten next to villains like Hitler, Goebbels, Goering, and Himmler. Streicher's particular brand of evil was insidious and low key. It was clever in a way that Hitler's vitriolic speeches and Goebbels' ridiculous propaganda were not. It was the black font from which sprung the slow rot of the German spirit.

Among other things, Julius Streicher wrote children's books. He was the goose stepping Dr. Seuss of Nazi Germany.

Streicher's most infamous work was a colorfully illustrated book bearing the cumbersome title "Never Trust a Fox in His Green Meadow and Never Trust the Oath of a Jew." Like most of the books written by Nazis the text is absolutely terrible. I don't mean that the content is disgusting - that should go without saying - I mean that Nazis all write as if they failed out of German at the Gymnasium. Have you read "Mein Kampf" lately? No? Don't read it. It's like a compilation of awkward Live Journal entries by a guy who sucked up too much phosgene in the trenches and wants society to pay him back everything it owes him. Streicher's books are just as awkward. Where else could you get feel-good rhymes like:

Now, children, keep a good look out
Whenever you see a Jew about.
The Jew creeps round, a regular fox,
Keep your eyes open, or you'll be on the rocks

Or the ever popular:

Jew Ikey comes on Friday home.
A perfect gentleman he seems;
A week of swindling stupid "goys"
And telling lies bring Sabbath joys.

Oh Jew Ikey, what won't you do?! What about Jewish lawyers? Surely Herr Doktor Professor Streicher has something to say about them. Why yes, yes he does:

So long the Jewish lawyer fought,
Primed with the farmers butter and eggs.
Now round and plump and plump and round,
Jew lawyer weighs 240 pound.

I have to admit I sort of like the last couplet there. It sounds like something you might hear being used to describe an ass in a rap song.

Work it girl, bump it up and down,
Make it go up and down.
Now round and round with that plump and round,
Girl, dumps from your butts weighs 240 pound.

What makes Streicher's "Never Trust a Fox…" so magnificently terrible are not the words or the art; it's the fusion of the two. They form a sweet symphony of hate propaganda that is so grotesque seeing it for yourself actually makes it less easy to believe that it is real. Just so you can experience the same sick disbelief I would like to take you on an abbreviated tour of Streicher's book.

Starting with the cover we get a real feeling for the sort of incredible realism the artist was trying to capture. The Jew looks like a monk and the fox looks like the offspring of a tiger mating with a rabbit.

The book opens with a brief history of the evil origins of evil Jewry, then moves on to a comparison between Jews and Aryans. Let's have a look!

The German and the Jew.
Take a good look at the two
In the picture drawn for you.
A joke - you think it is only that?
Easy to guess which is which, I say:
The German stands up, the Jew gives way.

As you can see, Jews are nearly spherical and dress as if they were blind. Aryans, on the other hand, have proud chins, proud hair, proud noses, proud chests, and stomachs with bunches of weird folds that look like a scrotum. I'll remember to put that in my upcoming "wildly inaccurate caricatures of reality" taxonomy book. Several pages later Streicher tells the touching story of a farmer trying to sell his cows to pay off his debts. Unfortunately, the farmer had not counted on the Jews and their hypnotic deal making powers.

The Jew, however, was not ashamed
To pay him half the price he named.
Away went cattle with grinning Jew,
The farmer was heartbroken too.
Misfortune dogs him more and more;
In Jewish hands there's death in store.

Quite a leap there to go from steal of the century on some cows to Jews being the bringers of death. Besides, if the farmer needed the money so badly why didn't he just sell his cows to some non-Jew? They would obviously pay full price not being death incarnate and all. Surely the Jew would just take the cattle and sell them for rock-bottom prices at the butcher? Not according to Streicher who has another theory about Jewish butchers.

Isaac sells you meat 'Tis said,
But he gives you filth instead.
See that piece upon the floor,
Another the cat has in its paw.
The Jewish butcher never fails;
Dirty meat weighs more in the scales.

So the Jew is letting his cat play with a big sack of random filthy meat. I think what Streicher fails to realize, but the artist managed to capture, is that people are still happy about getting the dirty meat. In fact I think they're a little too happy. Look at the boy thing at the front. He looks like he's going to make a pass at that slab of filthpig. According to Streicher it would be bad enough if Jews were limited to shrewd cow negotiations and unsanitary butcher's shops. Unfortunately, Jews also have their wandering eyes on other prized Aryan possessions.

What a creature is the Jew.
Not even his own women he likes.
To share himself a German wife
He thinks just cute. You bet your life!

Oh no, the fat pilgrims are taking our white women! I like how they managed to work two evil Jew rapists into this one. You've got the mega Jew up front in the 6X tuxedo and then if you look in the background there's a mini Jew with a Frisbee on his head and he is obviously ogling that prime cut of wunderkind over by the wall. Wait a second? Is the Jew trying to give that woman Mardi Gras beads? He is! This isn't just any Jew, this is the Jew version of "Girls Gone Wild's" Doug Stanhope. Wooooo, show us your yarmulkes baby! After all of these (and many other) horrors of Jewry there has to be something that can stop the filthy onslaught of Jews. Wait, there is!

From this picture may be seen,
Hitler Youth in splendid mien,
From smallest to the biggest boy.
All are husky, tough and strong.
They love their German Führer
And God in Heaven they fear.
But the Jews they must despise!

Thank G-D! The Hitler Youth inflatable sex toys are here to protect Germany from the Jews and their dirty meat. Their mouths incorporate dual speed sucking action for Der Führer's pleasure. Unfortunately, the ending is where things begin to get a little inaccurate.

In far-off South is the country
Which cradled Jewish ancestry.
Let them go back there with wife and child
As quickly as they came! -
What a disgusting picture
Is shown by these Jews, so dirty and wild.

Oh really? I didn't know that Gas Chamber was a country in the far-off south. And it looks to me like the Germans let the Jews keep their pilgrim hats and bundles of filthy cat toy meat. I seem to remember something about the Germans prying fillings out of the skulls of Jews and melting them down to make gold SS rings. I guess to be fair we can't actually see inside their mouths so maybe the Hitler Youth inflatables worked them over with pliers already. Notice the geese and Hobbits enjoying the exodus of the Jews to their far away land.

For more than 12 years Streicher was instrumental in shaping the youth of Germany into hate-fueled recruits for the Nazi war machine. His lies were as easily swallowed as telling a child about Santa Claus, only it took the fall of an empire to reveal that Santa doesn't really deliver Christmas presents. Julius Streicher flailed the last bit of his dignity away as the guards at Spandau practically carried him to the gallows. His final proclamation attempted to give truth to the lie that Jews had perpetrated their evil throughout history. In the hearts of Streicher and what few fools like him remain, Santa will always be the one filling the stockings.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)