Ultimate Grudge Match: The Takers vs. The Makers

Apparently these men and women can strap on their running shoes and dressage jackets, but wouldn't know a bootstrap if you beat them over their needy faces with it. In the USA we do not directly fund our Olympians and these people are terrible earners with no idea how to turn a profit. Olympic runners, for example, can't figure out how to turn running really fast into a bunch of money, so many make less than $15,000 a year. That low income translates into a lot of government assistance targeted at the poor, more than offsetting the taxes they pay, which are prize taxes and not real income tax anyway.

Obama's America punishes entrepreneurs and no example is more vicious than what happened to New Orleans Saints head coach Sean Payton. Payton lost out on $5.8 million of salary this year because one of his coaches engaged in a little creative incentive program to motivate his team to perform. Every successful industry includes performance bonuses. For investment banks you receive tens of millions for losing billions and nearly ruining the US economy. For the NFL it is only reasonable to assume causing brain damage to Jay Cutler deserves a bonus. If it weren't for a year-long suspension by the NFL, Payton would be shelling out taxes on nearly $7 million per year to help finance the pathetic lives of America's Olympians.

Pete Campbell

Mad Men's smarmiest accounts exec, Pete Campbell is well into the 53% of makers. With only a wife and one child (technically) he has not burdened the system with a swarm of offspring. While his beginnings were modest, earning a mere $75 per week, his current salary in the show should be much higher based on his stature within the company. The average account executive in advertising in 2012 makes $67,000. Pete Campbell probably brings home more than that as a partner. He is also a proud gun owner.

Nobody is more entitled than laid off workers, also known as the former working, who had their jobs outsourced. Take for example the lazybones soon-to-be-ex-employees of Sensata. They used to make $12 to $18 an hour before their factory was closed and their jobs relocated from Illinois to the more economically efficient region of Jiangxi. Now they are drawing benefits and clicking around recruiting websites like they can download a new job. Worse, these people tend to be democrats voting for even more handouts, just because Bain Capital owned their factory and Mitt Romney ignored their pleas to intervene. Don't hate the player. Also don't hate the game. You just suck at it.

Erik Prince (Former CEO)

Realizing there was an alternative to wasteful government bloat, Erik Prince set to work creating private sector competition for the largest government department in history: the US Military. Clocking in at a net worth of over $2 billion dollars, Erik Prince is one of the world's most active job creators and tax payers. He started out by founding Blackwater, which, for reasons totally unrelated to employees repeatedly shooting civilians, changed its name to the gender-neutral Xe Services LLC and then to Academi. These companies employ thousands of private military contractors, support staff and trainers. More recently he has ventured into Somalia to create another 2,000 jobs among the impoverished nation by training and equipping locals to hunt pirates and fight Islamists.

By their very nature, public employees represent insidious, louse-like parasites infesting our nation. They suck the lifeblood of our hallowed chambers of commerce in the name of "services" like teaching the restive underclass to read and do math or protecting the favelas from being cleared out by raging infernos. Guess what, environmentalists: fires are a part of the natural cycle. Slums burn down and they are replaced with healthy golf courses. Police are not needed to contain the underclass any longer. We have a security gate and armed private security. Worse, because these people don't have real jobs, they don't make real salaries. Firefighters average $42,000 a year, police make $50,000 and teachers make $51,000. Guess who gets to pay for everything their incomes don't? That's right. The makers.

According to Forbes Magazine, which realistically equates money to power, ventriloquist comedian Jeff Dunham is the 90th most "powerful" celebrity thanks to his annual earnings of $22 million. North America's top-grossing comic leaves audiences across the country laughing with his ongoing Disorderly Conduct Tour. Presumably people have to put up backgrounds and run lighting shows. There are jobs to take the tickets and sell the fresh Dunham merch available at the venue. This man creates more jobs than the biggest wildfire. He keeps the police helicopters flying over the ghettos and the classroom sizes small in the suburbs.