Increasingly Depressing Upcoming Loot Crates for 2015

It's another super hero crate, only this time with a twist. All of the hottest super heroines you loved growing up, which you are still doing at the age of 32.

• A blown up panel of Dr. Doom yelling at Ms. Marvel for the wall of your man cave.
• She-Thing snow globe.
• A print out of the White House official petition response to the "Make a Black Widow Movie" petition from 2013. The response was, "Are you people dumb? We don't make movies."
  
• The sheet from the press kit of the 2015 Fantastic Four movie that lists the full cast.

Things are getting spooky this month as we usher in our favorite monster merch and scary swag. This crate is bursting with legit horror goodies.

• The real monster is intolerance t-shirt sold to raise money against prejudice against police officers who deploy their firearms in self defense during a citation for noise violations and accidentally shoot a baby and then arrest the parents and charge them with murder because their baby died during a crime and that crime was watching Interstellar too loud on a week night. It actually says all that on the back of the shirt, but there's a sort of cool monster on the front. We know, it's sort of lame, but they didn't sell any of these t-shirts raising money so we got them for like eight cents each.
• A used DVD copy of season 2 of everyone's favorite movie monsters Ren & Stimpy.
• An index card with the name of one of our favorite monsters written on it in permanent marker.
• The grappling hook from a Mummy Returns toy.
• Real monster food: astronaut ice cream. Just like you're hanging out with Wolf Man on the International Space Station.
• A photograph of jelly beans. We cropped it different and printed it in black and white.

Nothing makes us as thankful as living in the golden age of TV. We celebrate your favorite shows with some unique merch!

• Celebrate streaming and Christ with branded wrist bands (2) for Netflix original, VeggieTales in the House!
• Don Draper's shoe laces. We watched most of three episodes of Mad Men and figured out which shoe laces he is wearing. It turns out they are Chinese shoe laces that sell 600 for a penny from the manufacturer. Cannot guarantee that the lace sizes match.
• An original comic book for the Blacklist. It's actually just a picture of fat James Spader sitting in a chair holding a gun and wearing a stupid hat that we put through a filter to look like it was painted. We added a speech bubble of one of his quotes from the show, "I am not here to talk I am here to watch you die or whatever."
• Flintstones vitamins (loose) which is technically a TV show and probably still on some TV channel.
• A grappling hook toy from Game of Thrones. Right? They have those on that show, don't they? NOT the Mummy Returns grappling hook toy.

Ho ho holiday time is here and we are swooping in on our grappling hooks with all of YOUR favorite loot crate items from the year. So if you missed out on 2015, now is the time to get in on the action. This one is jam packed with double items!

• Index card monster names, both the regular and the scary jellybean photos, the dust from Flintstones vitamins, the paper inserts from the Ren & Stimpy DVDs, and three copies of that Halo comic book.
• A reproduction autographed photo of Chris Hardwick and Wil Wheaton talking to each other about geek culture.
• Plus, an ALL NEW original Santa Claws GoofPop t-shirt with a picture of Santa and, get this, he has Wolverine claws. It's called a mash up and kids these days love it!

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)