Increasingly Depressing Upcoming Loot Crates for 2015

Ker-sploosh! Get ready to have fun in the sun and surf with these ladies and their fins. This month's crate is definitely the Prints of Tides!

• A poster print of a mermaid done by an artist you've never heard of who also does a lot of zombie pictures.
• A classic reboot GI Joe action figure upper body and half a dead fish.
• A t-shirt we found floating in a river.
• A special comic that DC was going to cancel about mermaids and we said, "No, don't cancel it, we'll take all 60,000 copies of your mermaid comic and give them to these idiots who buy boxes of garbage from us."
• Bags of plastic bottle caps recovered from the ocean!

Nothing says summer like the smell of a hamburger shipped in a cardboard box in June. We have all the burger fun you could imagine crammed into this month's crate.

• A t-shirt from GoofPop with a picture of a hamburger that says "The Only Good Hot Dog is a Hamburger!" which is a quote from Dr. Who.
• Two different fun hamburger figures from Japan that were originally marketed to seven year old girls but in America adult men buy them.
• Ketchup packets from actual Burger King stores in Japan that say "Catsupu!" and have a picture of the anime king.
• A plastic mirror that says "#1 Burger" on top and has a hamburger design around the border so your face is between the buns. We found this one in a warehouse and we don't really know why it was made.

Celebrate the 4th of July with this crate loaded with patriotic geek and gamer gear. Did you know Ben Franklin was a gamer geek?

• A full, original Halo comic, with three different alternate covers created just for Loot Crate, that is eight pages long and contains a suspicious number of full page ads for the new Halo game.
  
• The ultimate classic video game meets the ultimate modern video game in this Halo spinning top. Wind the base and release Master Chief to spin on any hard surface just like in your favorite Halo game.
  
• Power up with these DIY paper art Mario power ups. Just cut them out and glue them like you could have done using your printer.
  
• One of those boob mouse pads for Lara Croft with an arrow stuck through her boob because the new Tomb Raider is serious.
  

We care about Autism. It may not sound like a fun crate, but neither is autism. It's a serious illness and it is spreading because of toxins in the food we eat.

• 1,087 jellybeans in a photograph because that is way too many jellybeans for us to actually give to you.
• A home autism test kit DVD hosted by David Tennant that includes a sheet of paper with the word AUTISM printed on it in bold text.
• Chutes and Ladders vintage board game thrown out from grade schools for containing asbestos. Actually, originally this was going to be Asbestos Awareness month, but asbestos is really expensive and autism is free.
• Rilakkuma plush bears that were found soiled in an actual Japanese hospital. These popular and collectible Japanese bears have been professionally cleaned and are certified as not medical waste by a garbage dump that sold them to us in bulk.
• A picture of asbestos because we ran out of stuff. We Photoshopped out the Getty Images watermark.