The Many Ways Satan Has Tested Josh Duggar

The release of hacked data from cheating website Ashley Madison exposed the attempted infidelity of family values spokesman, reality TV star, and molester Josh "Hacksaw" Duggar. In response, Josh released a statement apologizing for his behavior and seeking forgiveness from God, Bibles, etc. In earlier drafts of his apology posted to the Duggar's website, Josh's apology included references to addiction to Internet porn and Satan building a fortress in Josh's heart. But we didn't need to read his apology to know that Satan has placed many temptations in Josh's life. From younger siblings to big-titty MILFs, Satan has been building all sorts of fortifications to test Josh's heart.

• The Type O Negative cover with two ladies sort of kissing
• Sisters (AKA the Devil's Napping Apprentices)
• Gay people getting married right in front of him on TV
• Maxim Magazine's Hot 100 list with Christina Ricci in a bikini
• Google auto-completing dirty words into his searches
• Ground Zero Mosque
• Boring wife Anna waaaay into taking kids to the park and totally not interested in shoving things up her husband's butt like he saw in a video
• The Ned Flanders ski suit cosplay that has to be a woman wearing the suit, right? RIGHT??
• Dinosaur bones that seem to be millions of years old
• Dinosaur bones that have sexy tits and want to try dildo play because really there is nothing wrong with a guy dinosaur doing that so just be cool Anna jeez
• Tiny white teens wrecked by huge dinosaur ding dongs videos streaming free why don't we just watch this tonight on my laptop Anna there's nothing in the Bible against watching these holes being wrecked on streaming videos
• Hillary's Benghazi email servers
• Bill's Monica pussy cigars
• The boob slider in Saint's Row
• The sex hand gesture which makes you imagine sex
• The whole idea of sodomy which isn't a defined thing until you read about it hundreds of times in the Bible and then it starts getting pretty hot like why are all these people so into sodomy that they named a town after it so it must be pretty frickin' good
• Watching X-Men with Jennifer Lawrence where you can sort of see her boobs a couple times when she's Mystique and then you type in "how do I look at Jennifer Lawrence naked boobs" and there are a bunch of them on the computer because of Google and hackers
• Hackers the movie where Angelina Jolie looks like Spock crossed with a Kardashian
• Spock and Kardashians
• That Kim Kardashian sex video which is actually bad and boring but you end up searching for other videos when you try watching it and those videos are much more tempting
• Repressed urges misdirected into destructive behavior by years of ingrained sexual self-loathing and probably mental health issues

These tricks and more, devised by the ingenuity of Satan himself, have tested Josh's faith. He has not always passed these tests, but it's fine, because in Christianity if you fail any test you can get an automatic do-over called "forgiveness." You may not know this, but by asking for forgiveness, Josh is actually even more courageous and moral than he was before he failed his tests. He'll pick himself up, dust himself off, and barely be out of the saddle of his high horse at all.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)