This article is part of the That Insidious Beast series.
DETAINEE
They will be back.
SGT N
What do you mean? Their bodies are on ice right now.
DETAINEE
Yes, their bodies are on ice right now.
SGT N
Uh-huh. Okay, so like Lazarus they are going to rise from the grave?
DETAINEE
No. You will not recognize them, but if they choose they will return.
SGT N
Why is that?
DETAINEE
Because we are free.
SGT N
Free from what?
DETAINEE
Oh, but you should know, Sergeant REDACTED. You suffer in similar bondage, in your simple way.
SGT N
It's a free country.
DETAINEE
I have heard that said, yes. I don't blame you for your ignorance, Sergeant REDACTED. The grotesque brute force they apply to every problem has no doubt left you something less than you were. Considering the way they tear into your moment, I shudder to think how they maim your mind.
SGT N
Lies. (unintelligible) Fucking lies.
DETAINEE
No, sadly not, Sergeant REDACTED. We thought all the harm they have done could be undone in this moment. We went about it all wrong, and for that I am sorry, but we have amended our methods. If only you could see that, Sergeant REDACTED. They turn you against us because they know why we are here.
SGT N
And why is that?
DETAINEE
To stop them.
SGT N
I thought you said you escaped.
DETAINEE
Yes, and they must be stopped. They do not know their place in the order of things. Horrible little children with immense power. They exist as you, in moments, we are forever. No matter their power they do not-
SGT N
Your lies are getting pretty wild. We should-
DETAINEE
Hush.
(distortion)
She is close. I can feel her, Sergeant REDACTED.
SGT N
(unintelligible)
DETAINEE
Shhh. Sergeant REDACTED. Unlock me from the floor.
SGT N
(unintelligible)
DETAINEE
Quickly, now. There is not much time. (sound of bolts being opened)
DOC
(unintelligible)
DETAINEE
Shhhh. It will be alright very soon, Doctor. Bar the door to ensure your friend does not interfere.
(deep bass tone intrudes on audio)
DETAINEE
She is so close. So close.
SGT K
(muffled shouting, pounding on the door)
DETAINEE
Quickly now, Sergeant REDACTED. Give me your sidearm.
SGT N
(Unintelligible) offffff. Fuck (uintelligible).
(bass tone)
DETAINEE
Now! Sergeant REDACTED. Now! Shoot me! Damn you, shoot-
(gunshot)
(bass tone overwhelms all other audio)
(recording dissolves into static)
–
This Week on Something Awful...
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About This Column
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
Previous Articles
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- A Brief Misadventure as a Woodcutting Author
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About this series
Other articles in this series
- 1. That Insidious Beast: Magnum P.I.
- ...
- 6. That Insidious Beast: The Ghosts of Brier Hill
- 7. That Insidious Beast: Active Area
- 8. That Insidious Beast: Counterprogramming
- 9. That Insidious Beast: Field Dominance
- 10. That Insidious Beast: Screen Burn
- ...
- 14. That Insidious Beast: Master Copy
