Hickory Kincaid’s Great Moments in White History

I know at least one of them is a negro. I think one is Chinese, one is a bird monster of some sort and the one on the front left is a dinosaur maybe. Pterodactyl?Every day I turn on the TV and I see another show about blacks, Mexicans, Jews or homosexuals. I get satellite TV and so I have about 500 channels and did you know that there are three channels that play nothing but Mexican shows? Didn't understand a word. It was like listening to my dog bark. I barely understood B.E.T. either and they said they were speaking English. B.E.T. stands for "Black Entertainment Television". A white man invented the TV yet the blacks get their own TV station before the whites do? This is ridiculous, folks.

Heck, 99% of the shows on TV are made by Jews. Put on QVC and there's princess Jewy selling her diamonds and gold. Switch it over to Food Channel and they've got some half-Italian Jew making kosher meatballs or whatever those people eat. I even put on the goldarned country and western station and what do I see? I see a Jew out hunting in the woods with a couple of gentiles. Unless he ain't coming back from that because of an "accident" I just don't rightly see the point of putting that on the TV.

White America has been told by the so-called "elite" of this country that there just ain't no more room for us. We need to be quiet and be ashamed of who we are because being white is bad and white people are bad. That's why they got a "United Negro College Fund" but there ain't no "United Caucasian College Fund." They want us stupid and hatin' ourselves. But wake up America! Hickory Kincaid is here to tell you that our white heritage is something to be proud of. Most of the good in this world was done by whites and what good that was done by other races was probably just a case of circumstance and pure dumb Jew luck.

Now I know what some of you are saying. You're saying "Hickory, it's 2005, you can't love white people or you are hating the other races." And I say to you that I don't hate nobody, I just love my white heritage. Those other races can go off and do whatever they want with them and theirs, but when it comes to my white brothers I am not going to pretend that they are somehow bad just so old Chanukah Charlie doesn't get his nose bent even more out of shape.

Before I go on and run my mouth off while you're still scratching your head wonderin' just who "white people" is, let me show you this chart I made. It shows you how these race circles work. First you see the top there, that's the white people. White protestant males. White women are important too, just about the same as an Irishman or maybe a sight better. I 'spect ya'll can see blacks, atheists, Jews, Injuns and the Japanese are down at the bottom. They are as different from whites as night is from day.

The Chinese and dot-head Indians are a little more like white people so they ain't what you'd call a "colored" but they ain't a white either. Mexicans go in there too. It's sort of like purgatory is between heaven and hell. Between white and black you got China. Then there's the Italians and the Russians, they're pretty close to white too, but believe it or not they are actually more black than the Chinese. It's in the chromosomes or something. You can sorta see it in the foreheads. Like how the Italians get them big foreheads like the negroes do. The Chinese got more of a straight back white forehead. Did you know that if a Chinese woman gives birth to an Italian man's baby then that baby will be black? It's true. Happens all the time in New York, but mostly the Chinese there are being raped by the Jews.

The great WHITE hope.Alright, now that you got all that figured out, let me tell you about your white heritage. White people have done so much good in this world. You white folks reading this need to know some of the things that you should be proud of. Robert Earl Hughes. Be proud of him. He had the world's largest chest at ten feet and four inches! A big Amazon rainforest python couldn't even get itself all the way around his chest to do no constricting! Was Robert Earl Hughes a negro? Of course not, he was a white protestant male as sure as Jesus himself was.

Now I bet you like peanuts, but did you know that without America's first and greatest president George Washington we would not have peanuts to eat today! It's true! George Washington, a white protestant male and a generous slave owner, was the man who first discovered the peanut growing inside a cave protected by a bear what he killed with an ax in solo combat. Think about that, Tina Tijuana, the next time you're wiping peanut crumbs off your mustache you got white president George Washington to thank.

I bet some of you like to watch basketball. Basketball was originally a whites-only sport, but then the negroes came and injected chemicals into their enormous doodles and they grew into giants. Most of the white people were too ashamed of being white to play basketball and even though they were smarter and better at strategy than the players from Zimbabwe or Kazakhstan they refused to cheat because it is death before dishonor. That is the white code. But one man was so powerful and so blessed by God that he was able to keep playing basketball with the negroes. And not only did he keep playing he also kept winning and he became the greatest player that basketball has ever known. His name was Larry Bird and he was a white protestant male.

I reckon I could come up with a few more goodies like that off the top of my head, but that ain't what I ciphered for this story. I want to tell you about the three top GREATEST moments in white history, not just your average day where any white is doing something amazing. I'm talking about the three things that rocked the white world with their majesty and pure sugar-white splendor. If you ain't a white and you're reading this anyhow for some reason then I think maybe you should look at these three accomplishments and then think about what your people have done. Maybe you was the race that started tuberculosis or maybe your people invented the shoehorn or something like that. Ain't gonna match up to this.

Maybe we could get that Harry Turtledove fella to write a book about what woulda happened with Strom.3. Strom Thurmond Runs for President

This one would be a number one, easy, if only America had been thinking straight for once and had voted for Strom Thurmond to be president back in 1948. Just think long and hard about how the world might be better if more states than just Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama and South Carolina had voted for this great man. Some people say that Strom Thurmond's segregation platform was racist, but Strom was just saying what I'm saying: the white people are a great people and it's not fair that we expect the other races to live alongside us everywhere. They're liable to get their feelings hurt and, as things turned out, they get their feelings so hurt that them elite white people start telling us we got to feel bad about being a white man.

Strom Thurmond lived to be 101 and every day he looked himself in the mirror and thanked God that he was a white man. He never once gave a second thought to hating on himself and he kept his chin up through those dark days of the 1960s when all hell was breakin' loose because America didn't listen. He warned 'em, he did what he could, but the elites didn't want none of it. They went on ahead and opened up the pools, movie palaces and churches to everybody and everything. It's a wonder there wasn't vampires and unicorns in there by 1975. Did Strom give up? Nope, he just kept at it. He kept that dream alive as long as he was, and now me and people like me are doing our darnedest to carry that torch.

2. Hickory Kincaid Confronts Black Racism

I did not want to put myself on my own list, but I consider this one of them lifetime achievement award type deals that the Jews and homosexuals give out to each other in Hollywood for tricking the most money from gentiles or picking out the prettiest dress or whatever else. There is a black guy in my town by the name of Creek White. As if that name weren't bad enough by its lonesome, the guy also has a racist streak to him and any time I have the bad luck to run into him he's spoutin' off some black-power gibberish that makes my blood pressure shoot through the roof.

Just yesterday I was trimming my lawn and it takes a piece because I've got all kinds of signs statin' the facts of my opinions on 'em so it means a lot of close in trimming with the weed eater. Creek comes riding up the road on his bicycle and he's got his little half-and-half daughter on the back in one of them fancy kiddy seats and his wife on another bike looking all blond and white. I holler at him "Creek, stay off my property or I'll plug you good!" just so he knows where we stand. Creek waves to me with those darn white hands of his and I holler back "you got them white hands I guess even the blackest got some good in them."

Well, I tell you, the look on his face was worth the price of admission and then some. It bunched up into a shadow of midnight with just little squinted-up slits of white showing for his eyes. Then he made some tribal sign with his middle finger, but I was so busy laughing I couldn't rightly tell what it was supposed to mean. That was a great moment right there, but I've got lots like it, so I think I deserve the number two spot.

Fighting for you and me!1. Ty Cobb Fights for the Rights and Respect Whites Deserve

Ty Cobb is easily the greatest American to have ever drawn breath. They called him the Georgia Peach, and like a peach he could be sweet to those he liked but if you didn't treat him right he would beat you within an inch of your life. One day Ty Cobb was playing baseball and an Irishman started yelling insults down to him from the stands. Ty Cobb threw his bat aside and jumped up into the stands and started beating in the man in the face until he was near dead. Then Ty Cobb realized that the man had no hands and was powerless to stop him. Did Ty Cobb say he was sorry? No, he got a few more punches in to make sure the Irishman knew not to yell unfavorable things to Ty Cobb. That ain't the half of it though.

Ty Cobb had a big rivalry going with Babe Ruth. You see, Ty Cobb, he was a thinking man's baseball player. He was a strategist. So he resented Babe Ruth for how he would showboat and hit homeruns instead of using finesse like Ty Cobb. But more than that he hated Babe Ruth because Ruth had negro features.

One day Babe Ruth hit more homeruns than Ty Cobb, so Ty Cobb went down to the black's only bus station and he stopped a bus full of negroes and beat the driver unconscious with a pistol. Then he took the bus and he drove it to an oil refinery and he filled the bus up with crude oil while he stood outside and threatened to shoot anyone what tried to get off the bus. He just laughed and laughed. Then he called Babe Ruth on a telephone and he said "Babe Ruth, remember that home run you hit?" and there was a pause and then Babe Ruth said "yeah, I guess, who is this?" and Ty Cobb shot the bus and it burned all of the blacks inside alive. After that Babe Ruth never hit another homerun and that's the source of the "Bambino Curse."

During his career Ty Cobb had 250,000 RBIs, he hit 50 homeruns all in one game and then never hit another homerun again, he killed 17 people while playing basbeball and left another 40 as invalids and best of all Ty Cobb always stood up for the white race. He was so skilled at controlling his bat that during a special exhibition against a negro league team in Cuba Cobb hit every single pitch directly into the face of a player on the opposing team. By the fourth inning the New York Black Stocking had to forfeit the game because all of their players were knocked for a loop. God bless Ty Cobb.

Now that's it for this story. I hope ya'll got plenty to think about out of all this. It's important stuff whether you're white, black or one of them people who thinks they can pass but ain't no way they can pass the one drop rule.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)