Shhhhhhhhhh. Not so loud, please. My soft, high voice can only be heard in a quiet room.
I have been listening to the arguing from just outside the door and I believe I am the most qualified to lead this nation. Turn off the light and I will enter and tell you about my agenda. Do not be afraid of my large size. There are many taller trees. M... might I have some milk? Two teaspoons of honey, please.
There is so much anger. So much hatred. My shaggy body is soft. I only want to help.
My platform is three things. See what you th... think...
Honey for milk.
They will put a cup of honey into every gallon of milk to sweeten it up. I will ask them and they will do it for me.
Books.
The best books will be stacked up to read. Please, r... read them to me. For me. I like stories ever so much.
Down into my cellar.
It is warm down there. Everyone is welcome. Come down to my cellar with me President Gentle Creature. We will play board games together and listen to my old records of the o... old songs. Down here, down with the roots, we are all equal. The mouse, the turnip, and me, and y... you.
When we all live in the cellar you will not need cars anymore. The wars will be over, because you cannot have a war in the cellar. You will put down your guns. There will be nothing to shoot. Put down your guns. Give me your swords and other weapons. Especially your fire weapons. I will put them away in a sp... special drawer for you.
I m... made a yard sign. I cannot go outside. Please put it up in your yard for me. Fetch me some sticks while you are out and bring them down into the cellar.
The only instrument I need is a honey jug. It is almost too loud to hoot. Not quite.
I made a song for my campaign. Children could dance to this song. I would like that.
It would go...
Cowardice
Alright, that is fine.
Apologies for freedom, that is alright.
When freedom rings, not so loud, please.
On your feet, but watch your head in the cellar.
Freedom is on our shoulders, USA.
Enemies of freedom, should be turned into friends of freedom.
It is only reasonable, boys.
Thank you for listening to my song.
We will make America great.
Those kids who broke into my cellar were lying if they told you I eat kids.
It is a good song and I please hope that you will sing it. Please. Now I am going down to the cellar.
I am ready to be the President. Please t... tell me when I am.
–
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