E/N Spotlight

1) News must be updated at least 50 times per hour,
2) News must NEVER contain anything even remotely interesting to anybody but the webmaster and his two friends,
3) There must be a rant between each news item about how the webmaster hates racism or stereotypes or preppy kids or whatever,
4) Homepage must take 500 minutes to load thanks to all their neat little pictures and "wacky" photos of dead animals,
5) Under no circumstances should any real content be presented except for ripped movies or mp3s.

The Mark Side - Oh no! Mark's car broke down! He also reveals he doesn't answer the ten email messages he gets a week, he likes the movie "Spaceballs", and he may be getting a new job. One of his guest news updaters also had this intriguing morsel to add:

...I'm determined to post something, for fear of losing my job or displeasing Mark. And something I have posted. end.

Wow! Excitement City, here we come!

The Rebel Alliance Network - "Reverend" admits he rented Tenchu 2 and calls it,"frustrating. I can't deal with dynamic camera angles, stealth kills and way too many buttons." Mike also makes the following touching plea:

If you are over 25 or under 18 then go away. None of what I am about to say pertains to you. Besides, you are already so stupid and lame in your own unique way that I don't even have to dedicate an essay to you.

Yeah, all you stupid people are so stupidly stupid! Begone, stupid people! You are not welcome on the Rebel Alliance Network! The Rebel Alliance Network caters not to the stupid people but the intellectual elite who can't play Tenchu 2!

Warehaus - The webmaster makes a shocking announcement that will rock your entire world!

My computer bugged down. Again!?!?!?! Yeah, again. I almost lost all my files had not the skillful hands of my friend got into the action. I'm gonna be working hard on some shit today so just wait for it.

What a close call! Let's send him our hope and prayers, folks! After reading that news announcement, let me tell you, I was on the edge of my seat. I almost fell off!

A Herd of Turtles - Oh no! Not more technical problems in the glorious land of e/n!

Arrrrrrrr. Fucking hell. I'm pissed off at my own website. It loads to fucking slow for me because of my ISP and it's -hopeless- for me to keep AHoT on a bla-bla server if I can only upload one picture every half an hour (yes, it's that shit).

Man, between that and the problems Warehaus is having, it sure looks like a bleak day for e/n sites! I can only wish that these problems are resolved as soon as possible so we may be treated to more exciting news items such as these:

I'm quite happy with myself really, I've configured my hotmail account to read my pop3 account (yes, it's like getting your email printed and sent via normal post), but my pop3 at bla-bla is just -fucking- with me in terms of speed.

It's like getting your presents a day before Christmas!

F1Nk iNk - Straps yourselves in, boys, cause we're going on a rollercoaster ride through SHEER, INTENSE EXCITEMENT AND ADVENTURE!

I'm staying home from school again, and my Dad's letting me. He just asked if I'd like to stay home. When I asked what the catch was (As there is usually a catch to this kind of thing), he merely said, "I'm not a bad father, just a bad person."

Have fun staying home from school, Mr. ink! Don't play any Tenchu 2 because "Reverend" from The Rebel Alliance Network says it's "frustrating." Enjoy your time off!

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@TwitterHasBannedAllMyAccountsEver)