Your Guide to the American Economic Recession

I can't fault somebody for not reading the license agreement before they install Railroad Tycoon II or sign up for a BangBros account, but we're talking about buying a house for Christ's sake, a purchase one should spend more than six minutes thinking about. But we'll finally be able to get a dog, honey! And a backyard, oh... it's our dream come true!

Here's some generic clipart for some generic content.The presidential candidates won't blame home buyers who took loans they knew they couldn't repay. They got votes to harvest, damnitt. "Yes, yes it's those damn lenders, like cougars they are, stalking their prey, THE AMERICAN HOME BUYER. I propose a ban on taking advantage of dumb middle-class Americans." So that's that...

The only real way to know if a recession is coming is to look at your portfolio and if there's no money left there is a recession and it stole all your cash. Make sure you look at your financial portfolio and not your art portfolio that every studio rejected before you gave up on your dreams and became an accountant and women won't even talk to you so you read The Game to try and become a pick up artist but when you tried to pick up on some chick she went home with the sensitive artist instead and you contemplated taking your own life. All accountants have gone through this and there are no exceptions.

There are other guidelines that help you determine whether or not a recession is coming. For example, if you're climbing up a ladder and you hear something splatter, recession, recession. Another good sign is if you're walking down a hall and you feel something fall, recession, recession.

You can usually see signs of a recession all around you. When my accountant was driving in his Chevy and he felt something heavy, recession, recession. The other day the recession hit me while I was climbing a tree and it dribbled down my knee. Yeah... I love that Lowtax doesn't approve our updates before we post them.

What's the best way to ride out the recession? Burn your money of course. If you can't have it, no one will. You could also send it all to me and I will invest it properly. Most traders talk about diversity, diversity, diversity, but my portfolio isn't a mixed-race marriage for God's sake. I want action, and there is nothing better than putting it all on red, or good and honest white-owned corporation, and letting it ride. I'm telling you, the best financial advice comes from Stormfront.org.

Don't worry, politicians have cooked up an economic stimulus plan in order to get us out of this mess. They are giving Americans $600 for doing nothing and hoping we do what we do best, spend it on stupid shit. We're gonna fuck, that, recession, up!

God bless America.

– Hassan "Acetone" Mikal