Five Dollar Art Treasures: Mother's Day Edition

"Welcome to the seagull of the mouth." - Morphus, Matrix Movie

A froggy-goggled horror crowds the frame of Maureen Anne Jensen's latest Boschian Bratz nightmarescape. The sort of artwork Japan would be producing if we had dropped a third or fourth atom bomb, mom can appreciate that alternate time line with the help of this watercolor.

Now is the time to invest in Marilyn Manson (Brian Warner!) artwork, because it can only go up in value! It doesn't matter whether your mom loves goofy horror rocker Marilyn Manson or not; this portrait should be considered an investment in your future. Imagine if ten or fifteen years from now Mr. Manson discovers a new way to be controversial.

Let's say he makes a Youtube video about leather communist gender-reassigned technocrats showing Faces of Death and porno to the Dalai Lama while Michelle "Bombshell" McGee walks around on stilts. It will receive hundreds of views and the market for amateur photo-duplication portraits will skyrocket into 5.99 to 7.99 territory. And mom will thank you for it.

Have a cum, Mr. Peanut. Have several all over your hat. Lewdly watered by jism, the ritzy legume of David Venne's vision will remind your mom of organic methods for processing a nut. Silver metallic highlights really make the raining sperm pop.

The masters of Renaissance sculpture meet their match in Billy Thrash's daring "MUSCLE PHYSIQUE HUNK RECLINES orig gay art." Thrash boldly declares that the nude male form is intended purely for homosexuals - sorry mom! - but that's no reason your gay family members can't enjoy Thrash's achievement in tumid physicality.

Gap-toothed and gawping, Thrash's David is a reclining hayseed with a downcast, disapproving phallus. Another figure either recedes or emerges in the background, leaving it to the viewer to discover in themself whether Thrash's erotic cup is half empty or half full.

$$ GREAT BUY $$

Gay? It would appear this piece was intended for everyone. We say it's the bargain of the week on ebay for original art-shoppers, gay or not, so get your paypal accounts ready and secure one of the finest three-color paintings of butts and genitals ever offered up for auction. The way we react to this piece says more about us than the artist. Will we laugh? Recoil? Cheer the butts? Far more than simple art, these butts will become a Rorschach for every visitor to your house.