Five Dollar Art Treasures

This article is part of the Five Dollar Art Treasures series.

Great art deals are easier to find than ever before!

Whether you are looking to spruce up your home or office or you are interested in expanding your art collection we have some exciting finds for you! Thanks to Five Dollar Art Treasures you are just five USA dollars away from fine art for your home or office. Each piece has been carefully selected based on two simple criteria: the artwork must cost less than five dollars not including shipping and it must be original artwork. Prints, even signed prints, are ruled out. These are unique and amazing pieces of art providing a low price point for the amateur to enter the world of fine art collecting.

Female artistic nude by patruska54
click to enlarge	Price: US $1.00 Dimensions: 2.5 x 3.5 inches Medium: Watercolor Seller's Description: "This is a tasteful, redheaded nude. If you collect ACEO's [note: Art Cards, Editions and Originals] this is a nice addition."
Patruska54 plays as loose with her definition of the word "tasteful" as she does with the word "artistic." The lazy blue skies in the painting are contrasted with an amorphous purple blob of land that seems to be devouring the nude, suggesting hunger. It seems to have eaten her arms and most of her features, or at least caused her to melt into a featureless, indistinct scribble. Our earthbound desires can often hold us back from the blue skies of the spiritual, particularly when we are a doughy meat thing stuck to the lardy loaves of a planet-sized Grimace. Only "tasteful" in the sense that you would have to work really hard to masturbate to this painting.

VISION QUEST by inyansha
click to enlarge	Price: US $2.99 Dimensions: 2.5 x 3.5 inches Medium: Acrylic Seller's Description: "This is an original acrylic painting on card stock (not a print).... Title: VISION QUEST.... A certificate of authenticity is included with the card.... Thank you for your interest......."
Endangered solidarity abounds in this haunting portrayal of the shared plight of the Native American Indian and the horned North American nightmare beast. Just the sort of thing you want looming out of the darkness when you stumble to the bathroom at night. The perfectly unsettling compliment for your dream catcher made out of petrified baby dicks. Evil baby dicks.

NUDE FEMALE SEXY by Artem Moldovantsev
click to enlarge	Price: US $3.99 Dimensions: 2.5 x 3.5 inches Medium: Watercolor Seller's Description: "Here is an original watercolor ACEO "sexy" made by me. My name is Artem Moldovantsev, I am an artist originaly from Russia. I work partly in Russia and run my own art school here with two more artists( www.artandcraft.ru) But we also have a summer art school in Usa. I take part in many art exhibitions inside Russia and around the world, together with my students, other artists and by myself. I can and enjoy painting in different techniques and sometimes styles , but mostly paint realistic things, love oil andwatercolor."
Hello, today is first class at Russia Lady Painting 101. I am teacher Artem Moldovantsev and I teach you different techniques like No Bones (Bones are Bullshit), Giant Signature at Bottom, Itchy Backgrounds, How to Hide Hand (Hand is Hard), Feet Out of Picture, Hot Dog Pussy, and Boob Shadow. Congratulations here is your Master Degree.

Dachshund on the Beach by Julie Ellison
click to enlarge	Price: US $2.25 Dimensions: 4 x 4 inches Medium: Acrylic on wood plaque Seller's Description: "This miniature painting measures 4" x 4" on a wooden plaque, the edges are painted black and there is a hole on the back making it ready for hanging. It will also sit upright on its edge so it doesn't have to be hung at all. Feel secure knowing the paints used are professional so the longevity of the colors staying vivid and true is assured. Also the painting has been varnished for added protection."
Maritime regulations are right out the window in Julie Ellison's whimsical take on horrifying human-eyed dogs and their attempt to subvert the lawful rule of man. Going by the size of the average Dachshund, the sign in the painting was placed at a height of roughly three inches, making it more of a tripping hazard than a useful warning for humans. Unless, Ellison has imagined a world where dogs have created their own society, yet also excluded themselves from leisure activities. Nah, because that would be slightly interesting, and Julie Ellison leads a miserable fucking life that revolves around her Dachshunds and trying to impress her adult children with paintings of her dogs. Let them live their lives, Julie. Don't remind them that in 30 years they will be alone and unloved like you, guilty that they never really liked your paintings, yet creating their own insipid artwork based on a pet nobody loves but them. Honestly, Julie, painting? Why did you think you could do this? Dan's not coming back. You're not going to meet another man to fill that void and your poor fucking dogs, they're just dogs, Julie. They can't love you like he did. You'd be better off chasing prescription sedatives through your twilight years, trying to medicate away the aching scars of your failed existence.

Quarter Horse by Becky
click to enlarge	Price: US $0.99 Dimensions: 2.5 x 3.5 inches Medium: Acrylic Seller's Description: "This is an original ACEO painting done on Strathmore Linen Canvas . It is 246# acid free paper. It is an ACEO 2.5" by 3.5". I am a self-taught artist, that has been painting for 10 years. I sold my artwork to my friends & co-workers. I am now unemployed due to the recession & painting full time. I am having the time of my life painting & collecting ACEO's. Thanks for looking at my artwork."
Becky painted a horse and wants you to give her money because she's trying so hard and lost her job because of recession. Maybe her previous job was as a horse painter and she got fucking fired for being the worst human being ever at her job. Jesus Christ, Becky. I'd tell you to sue your art teacher if you weren't the one that taught you how to ruin horses forever for everyone. Maybe you could stop pawning these depressing reminders of abject failure off on your friends and family. What's the point? To buy more paint and canvas? To just keep existing? Kill yourself, Becky. It will be the most beautiful thing you ever accomplished.

BIN LADEN by Michael A. Marler
click to enlarge	Price: US $0.99 Dimensions: 8 x 10 inches Medium: Oil Seller's Description: "This is an original palette knife oil painting on 8x10 inches canvas panel board is ready for framing. Painting is signed and dated by me (the Artist)."
M. Marler channels the zeitgeist and conjures our existential fears, bringing forth the demon of today and slathering enough paint to give him body and shape. This Bin Laden begs to be touched, to be read with our fingers like Braille that spells out bad words. He is made all the more terrible by the mundane act of speaking into a microphone. Even the subject seems bored. Gray favored suggesting moral ambiguity, while the red stripes hint at past horrors. Big, bold pieces for a main room. Great piece to start conversations about what a fucking stupid shit you are for hanging this slop in your living room.

ready to pop lovely mermaid by Jeffie
click to enlarge	Price: US $4.19 Dimensions: 2.5 x 3.5 inches Medium: Acrylic Seller's Description: "Original by Jeffie a beautiful pregnant mermaid boy is she ready to pop."
Life's effervescence is captured in motion as bubbles rise all around a fire-tailed, bubble-bellied mermaid. Jeffie's work conveys time and progress, the sublime horror of life's pitiless cycle. Nothing escapes alive. Even a creature as beautiful and fantastical as a mermaid is naught but a bubble waiting to burst, releasing its offspring as it recedes into the abyssal depths of eternity. The perfect painting for your mother to see when she discovers your bloated body slumped in your computer chair.

If you know of any great art deals you would like to see featured on Five Dollar Art Treasures then please email me. Remember, it has to be an original work of art and it must be selling for less than five dollars.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)