Doctor Dating's Official Guide to Not Dying Alone

That Magic Moment

Following my advice, you may have already found someone attractive and seemingly interested in you. If not, please become more attractive. Now, you may have spotted your future lady/laddy, but you have yet to share a single word with this person. Instead of leering from afar, or possibly aclose, let's take a look at our pals Right Roscoe and Rong Randall for some examples of how to, and how not to introduce yourself. Which one do you think is right?

If you've chosen "A," you're dead wrong! Look at Right Roscoe, that sanctimonious prick; I could just punch him! He reminds me of my third wife's new husband, especially that time he called the police when I broke all of the windows in their new house with rocks. My rocks. But I fixed his little red wagon. And by "fixed" I mean "gave him," and by "wagon" I mean "misleading business advice."

That digression aside, looking at "B" we see that Rong Randall is on the right track and has his feet squarely planted on the ground. He knows what he's doing and he's using gravity to his advantage. He's created a memorable moment that he and his significant other can share with their future children, or the judge of a divorce trial. Either way, I still hate Right Roscoe. God!

That's all the time I have for now. I have important doctor food to eat, and that Stouffer's french bread pizza isn't going to turn in my microwave by itself! Or maybe it is. Look for my next entry in the series titled : The First Date: Creating the Lie You Will Base Your Entire Relationship On.

Doctor Donald Dating is a full-time expert on Medicalology at John Hopkin's Medical Room at his apartment in New Waterford, Ohio. His advice should not be taken internally. If anal bleeding persists, you're not doing it right.

– Bob "BobServo" Mackey