Those Assassin's Creed Unity Glitches Aren't Glitches At All

Internet bullies have been ganging up on Assassin's Creed: Unity, claiming it's full of glitches. You might have seen a few screenshots that looked a little weird out of context.

Well, those aren't glitches at all. There's a rational explanation for every image that's being passed around by social media jokesters.

Let's start with these faces. Everyone seems to be obsessed with them for some reason.

Ubisoft is an international company, and they take great care to represent all races, including the Mreefps. Perhaps you should spend less time laughing at people who don't look like you and spend more time applauding the efforts of the seventeen studios who make Assassin's Creed so detailed and lifelike.

I know what you're thinking. "What? A human body isn't supposed to crumple like that!"

Exactly. Which is why this is an excellent death animation. Very brutal.

Specifically, this is what happens when the main character (Arno) attempts to open one of the game's 500 treasure chests without disarming its traps, which require the player to create a very useful uPlay account and play a mini-game on a companion mobile app.

Here we see Napoleon at Waterloo. Assassin's Creed is historical, but it is also an incredibly inventive genre-blending sci-fi series. This dramatic re-imagining of the classic French military uniform turns it into a slick, futuristic suit of armor.

This is just fantastic hair. Haven't you ever heard of a thing called fashion? How about character design? Plebes.

There is nothing unusual here. It's simply Unintrusive Gus, here to remind the player (as he does every ten minutes) that purchasing a chunk of Helix Credits for ninety actual dollars is a terrific deal.

Okay, this one looks bad, but I assure you that it's intentional. Skateboards were not invented at this point in history, so when the player attempts to ride one it creates a deadly desynchronization. Chalk this gruesome display up to player error.

Hands up if you think this is an obvious glitch. Oh man, are you going to feel like a fool. What you're seeing here is the standard foot and hand placement used by professional climbers. This animation was motion captured, and is 100% accurate.

Maybe you'd know that if you went outside once in a while, you insufferable nerds.

– Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell (@DennisFarrell)