Caken.com Press Release

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Contact:
Jay "Wormy" Stile - www.stileproject.com
Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka - www.somethingawful.com

Stile Project and Something Awful Team Up to Support Caken.com

October 10th: Los Angeles, California - Jay Stile and Richard Kyanka, both known in industry circles as "I've never heard of those people before", have teamed up to officially offer support to growing website Caken.com.

"We feel the two plucky webmasters of such a deep and meaningful website like Caken.com deserve every ounce of support we can muster," explained Jay Stile while dumping a particularly moist garbage bag into a nearby trash can. "These budding superstars have a natural gift to offer the world and it would be a crime against humanity if we didn't help expose as many people as possible to their wonderful gift."

Both Stile and Kyanka admit, upon loading up Caken.com for the first time, they were instantly impressed by the intelligence and charisma that was somehow embedded in the exciting website.

"When I first logged onto Caken.com, my mind nearly exploded," Kyanka revealed. "It was like my brain had transcended the mortal plane of existence and moved up to something higher, something holy. I suddenly understood all the secrets and mysteries of the universe and all I had done was look at the photo of the Caken girls wearing Burger King paper crowns with the incorrectly spelled "Buger King" caption below it. I owe these girls an enormous debt, one I fear I shall never be able to pay."

Stile and Kyanka expressed their awe of Caken's daily hard hitting content and intelligent observations, listing the following examples from their website:

• "added a forum, so now u can poste ur comments and shit, we can see ur ips, so if u spam it, ur posts will be deleted and ur ip will be blocked"
• "rimuldar finally gave up, i knew they would get board hehehe, stupid people are funny"
• "I have had lots of kitty cats!!! I've had them since I can remember. Pickles is the BEST by far :) I got Pickles from my friend Katie. Pickles had lots of little brothers and sisters."
• "but i left the librarby bar code on there incase i have to go borrow a book to read while i sit in detention planning other stupid shit like this!"

"It's like somebody dug Shakespeare's rotting corpse up from his grave, crammed a Speak N' Spell inside his decaying jaw, and created a webpage based off the witty discourse that followed!" Kyanka admitted before being interrupted by an ecstatic Stile.

"Yeah, except it's not really Shakespeare because I looked through my entire photo archive of dead and mutilated people, and to the best of my knowledge, nobody has dug up his body yet," explained Stile. "Although I do have a picture of somebody with a crowbar jammed through their skull."

Both Something Awful and The Stile Project, having received multiple emails from the webmasters at Caken.com begging to let their readers know of the forums they recently opened, plan on extending an open invitation to posting on the official Caken.com forums.

"We'd like all of our readers to do their part by posting as many messages as they'd like to the Caken.com forums. The actual posts don't have to even revolve around any concrete subjects at all - simply posting a message for the hell of it, as the Caken girls do, is sufficient enough," Kyanka continued while searching through his pockets for enough money to afford the bus ride home. "We just want the Caken girls to succeed in their dream of getting 'a hole bnuch of HITS'... and we think by encouraging everybody to post on their forums as much as possible, we're helping that dream come true."

"Yeah, n only loosers spell are there words correctly, so don't bothar even readeing whut u type," instructed Stile. "Just head over to their forums, give them some hits, and post messages until your keyboard wears out."

The Caken.com webmasters sent in a press release of their own, but it could not be deciphered in time to reproduce it with this release.

###