BiGDOG's Dog Blog: Bark If Ya Hear Me

This article is part of the BarkWire.com series.

Weekly Spottings

Posted by -=BiGDOG=- at 6:17 PM

Yours truly keeps his eyes on the prize, always looking for terrific new (and old) dogs to spot. Here's this week's muttly crew:

• Iron Buttress: Looks like I was a bit hasty in judging this pooch. After setting the countdown timer on Iron Butress' life, the obese mutt made some big lifestyle changes. I'd say from my most recent spotting Iron has lost a good 20 pounds. Keep up the good work! BiGDOG's giving you a big thumbs up.
• Sparkfly: There's definitely something strange afoot with this gal. When I saw her a few months ago she was a perfectly happy looking Golden Retriever. Then I see her again and she's clearly a Toller. Same dog tags and everything. BiGDOG suspects a clear cut case of identity theft. Be careful around "Sparkfly."
• Karl Barx: Saw Karl dragging a child's coat through the mud near Lake Davies. Wow, Karl, real f***ing mature.
• Werner Herzdog: Saw this big bruiser sitting near a dumpster eating a chessboard. Noticed he had a few nicotine patches on him. Somebody get this dog a ball and something better to do.
• Astor: You're not gonna believe this one, but BiGDOG has personally verified it. Every night Astor wanders over to Bowen Lake, swims out to about the middle, and vanishes beneath the surface. I've seen it twice, and waited around hours for Astor to resurface. He never does. What the hell is going on with this dog?
• DOORBELL: What a sad turn of events for this poor pooch. He was never much to begin with, but these days DOORBELL is kept as a catamite by El Cráneo Negro's crew. I doubt he'll be alive much longer, given how rough his captors are.

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Dog of the Week

Posted by -=BiGDOG=- at 7:00 PM

Ding, ding, ding! A new contender enters the game.

Saw Berlin trotting around the town looking sharp as a razor. Clean form, shiny coat, and good size. Seemed smart and responsive to commands. Definitely one top notch Border Collie. I just hope Berlin has the sense to wait out the conflict raging in town. Look folks, we may be looking at, get this, the next Malmesbury. Really, he's that good a dog.

Even BiGDOG's top dog of all time, Panzer, would be impressed with Berlin.

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Dogossip

Posted by -=BiGDOG=- at 7:22 PM

BiGDOG's been hearing a lot of talk about a dog supposedly driving around town in a truck. Let me be the first to say: you people are goddamn idiots. The day a dog drives a truck is the day BiGDOG adopts a fluffy cat. You're seeing things, people.

In other news, there's been a lot of talk about a new dog in town. BiGDOG's been doing his best to figure out who this new dog is, but is coming up empty. BiGDOG's not one to guess, but I can't help but wonder if this new dog has anything to do with the newly formed alliance of Senator's crew, Scar, Danger, Sulphur, and The Gambler. BiGDOG's gonna speculate even more: Could this be the CIA Dog from El Cráneo Negro's past?

And finally, I just got word that the inexplicably beloved Bug died of a heart attack. What a wimp.

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– BiGDOG (@Livestock)