An Intolerable Rap Rivalry

"Jesus Rolls"
Baron Ermine Von Icebeats featuring the Cris-poppin' Fur Lords

Hup, two, three, four
Hup, two, three, four
Hup, two, three, four

Preeesent arms!

[Intro]

I gotta
I gotta get an army
An army against all the things Jesus hates
An army against racism and sexism
An army against homoism and communism
An army against the presidents and senators
An army against hurricanes and right to work laws
An army rollin' together
Together with Jesus

(Jesus rolls with us with us with us with us)

(gunshots)

Ya'll know what's unsuitable? The Bold & the Beautiful
Where rich ass niggas schemes is inscrutable
And niggas called "math" because they immutable
Tell the world Fur Lords are indisputable
These rhymes as evidence is irrefutable
Double click and you'll see this container's unlootable
*double click*
Try to open it
*double click*
It's bound to owner
Tongues gettin' tied in knots what what you thought
Niggas is stutterin' like fools and soon you're
Hoping the Fur Lords say "T-t-t-today Junior!"
Huh? What's for breakfast?
Pieces of shit if you don't polish that necklace.
Shine that ice till I can use it in a laser
I ain't forget to pack my Mach-5 razor
Cuz we got to get ready to be shipped out
Gonna go Ding Chavez when we hit the MOUT
Well momma I know they say
We got to pray just to make it today but I think

(Jesus rolls with us with us with us with us)

[Chorus]

God help me along because the Devil gets all up in my face
(Jesus rolls with us)
The only thing I want for Christmas is a way out of this place
(Jesus rolls)
And I don't know what to do to put myself back on track
(Jesus rolls)
Imma let God figure it out while I stretch out in the back

(repeat)

To all the rapists, killers, slavers, bounty hunters even the women that hear this track
(Jesus rolls with us)
To the victims of the white man who just tryin' to watch they back
(Jesus rolls with us)
Achtung, Achtung, I wanna climb this rung
I know Jesus there to push me along
Cause rappers all they think about is money
I think about Jesus also which is sort of funny
I ain't here to tell you Jesus is in for the long haul
Even though he is and he's hearing my call
I'm just tryin' to say the way an old lady got a shawl
The way Linus got a blanket is how we need Jesus
Some vague people say I can't sing about Jesus
They want songs about money and pimpin'
But it's even better if I talk about those and politics and Jesus
Well if this track gets even crazier rotation
Get used in movies and is a commercial sensation
I hope it makes me rich but also gives Jesus elation
And bring the things I'm prayin' about
Kids goin' down hills in barrels shout

(Jesus rolls with us with us with us)

Fuck Bush
(five times)

"Up With the Puppet (Down With Jesus)"
Hysterical Puppet Squad

[intro]

This one goes out to all my night creepers,
Hysterical howlers and wicked dope dealers
To all the boys and girls in the wicked playground
We're gonna cut this motherfucka down!

[Hucky 2 Wicked]

Woooochahaha! Hysterical howlin' from the wicked playground!
Ya'll up with the puppet?
Woooochahahaha! Of course you are!
There's a lot of Bush haters out there and this track is being laid in their general direction!

We're gonna murder you so hard it's a double homicide
Comin' out of sewers and from every possible side
Get you and Jesus together in a car
Dim the lights, cut the brakes and there you are
Rollin with your man straight to your doom
While we're hysterical howlin' in the other room

Many ways to die if you ain't up with the puppet

[Chorus]

You wanna fuck Bush we gonna fuck you
Up with the puppet and back at you
Bush saves us from terrorism
Puppets save the world from people like you

Here come the puppet from the wicked playground
Gonna hunt every Bush hater down
Gonna chop you up with gardening shears
And stab American flags in your ears

Up, up, up with the puppet!
Down, down, down with the Fur!

[Murdery X]

Creepin' through the night like a crazy owl
I'm gonna sneak up on ya and hysterical howl
You're gonna go in your pants so hard you bust a hole
And my scary fuckin' face is gonna take a scary fuckin toll

I got blood red eyes and blood red teeth
Blood is coming out of my blood red nose from underneath
My hair is blood red and my face is vermillion
Sprayin' red Shasta like old faithful when I start killin'

I've got an axe and a knife and a spear and a hatchet
The hatchet was probably unnecessary which is why you gonna catch it
Right in the face and then I'll hit you with the mace
Which I also remembered I brought to this place

Night creeper throwin' stars from the wicked playground
Like a cross between a ninja and a really loud sound
I'm hysterical howlin' in your face right before you die
Ain't no runnin' or hiding because you're gonna die

[Chorus]

[Hucky 2 Wicked]

Busting from your closet like a sneaky owl with a knife
First I'm gonna stab your balls and then I'm gonna stab your life
I got hammers and nails and I'll stick you to some boards
So you can be like Jesus and we can be the hordes
That run amok across your face
And smash in your dome
And play with your guts
And burn down your home

Hope you got a sweet girl cuz Murdery's gonna fuck her (Woooochahaha!)
Feed her meth and dick and sell her to a trucker (Woooochahaha!)

This ain't a threat, Fur Lords, it's a promise
We're comin' for you and we gotta long list
Of scary things to do like evil owls
While we sprayin' Shasta and makin' hysterical howls

Fuck you
(five times)

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)