Special Advertising Section: AdventureQuest

Do I have to pay?

It is absolutely free to play AdventureQuest, unless you don't want to be a dumb weakling. Real gamers know that only a Guardian can have real adventure. In order to be a Guardian you have to pay. There is always a price for glory, real glory. Guardians have special powers and can ride dragons maybe. They can use magic. People who don't pay can also use magic, but their magic sucks and only makes them look totally girly. It is absolutely free to play unless you want to do quests or level up. Only Guardians get to see graphics. Free players get a picture of a fat guy in pink sunglasses holding a cardboard sign that says "You can level me up anytime." Becoming a Guardian allows you attain moments of glory such as this:

We do not send your credit card information to anyone but the Internal Revenue Service and select advertising partners. My mom says working for AdventureQuest isn't a "real job", but she's wrong, dead wrong. PLEASE DO NOT SEND YOUR CREDIT CARD NUMBER OR CREDIT CARD INFORMATION. Unless you want our product. You must send your credit card or credit card information in order to unlock the power of the Guardian. If you often search the internet for cake, you might enjoy AdventureQuest.

Information For Parents

Parents, please be assured that the staff at AdventureQuest works hard to create a safe environment for its players. However, as a Dragonslayer you can also summon a specially-trained Dragon to blast your dragon foes! We respond to all email and telephone inquiries. We are available by phone Monday through Friday, Noon to 5pm EST at the number that appears on your bank or credit card statement next to the payment. As they say-- fight fire with fire!

We do not allow foul language, nudity, extreme realistic violence or drug/alcohol use in our games. We do allow dragons and sometimes some sex. But not much sex. Also a little bit of foul language. We allow foul language, sex, and extreme realistic violence. That's it though. Nothing else. If you often search the internet for internet, you might enjoy AdventureQuest. As they say-fight fire with fire!

PLEASE DO NOT SEND YOUR CREDIT CARD NUMBER OR CREDIT CARD INFORMATION.

Please Send Your Credit Card Number and Credit Card Information

Don't think, just do it now. Did I mention that AdventureQuest has leprechauns in it? Well, it does. And a whole lot more! Check it out:

You won't see sights like these anywhere else. Special SomethingAwful discount available, just sign up with the discount code "AFRISKYGOON". Signing up is absolutely free, and requires only $19.95 paid in monthly installments. Once signed up be sure to send a message to the SomethingAwful guild leaders to be let in the Goon Guild. Private messaging currently disabled for free accounts. Also for paid accounts.

We'd like to thank forums member Jack Daniels for putting us in contact with this website, and staff member Maxnmona for arranging the deal. Any questions about the SomethingAwful-AdventureQuest advertising partnership can be directed to automaticemailharvester@somethingawful.com

PLEASE DO NOT SEND YOUR CREDIT CARD NUMBER OR CREDIT CARD INFORMATION.

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– Artix Entertainment Advertising Division