Overview: In the future/alternate universe/sixth circle of hell/Korean Hogwarts, video games are treated like professional sports that for some reason are only played by stupid teenagers.
Directed By: A bunch of "internet celebrities," 2012
The Case For: Games Dean. Also, watching this is a great excuse to smash all of the electronics in your house, kick off your lifelong dream of becoming a grizzled hermit in the Ozarks, or just lay down face-first under an oncoming cement mixer.
The Case Against: Games Dean. Also, if you're one of those people who likes to sincerely self-identify as a "gamer", this movie is not a step towards less people laughing at you in public.
Fresh from the North Korean torture super happiness luck fun chambers*, this week we take a look at a different shade of movie awfulness, stepping into the crazy, topsy-turvy fantasy world of Video Game High School - a wondrous, enchanted high school where twitch is king, the terms "gamer" and "sexual intercourse" aren't mutually exclusive, and teenagers splatter each others' brains all over the walls in socially acceptable ways. It's just like Harry Potter, except without the fake Latin and old gay wizards and snot-eating British children squatting intensely on brooms or whatever it is they do instead of gaming.
Now, a few of you have probably already started penning furious e-mails to us about how it's totally not fair to put VGHS in our bad movie crosshairs because it's technically not even a movie but a "web series" and blah blah blah. And you'd probably have a point, at least right up until the part where the creators repackaged it for sale as a feature-length movie on iTunes for the princely sum of $12.99 (guess which version we're reviewing!). Some of you might even be incredulous that we're taking the time to look at something with admittedly above-average production values when our usual fare makes Ed Wood look like Federico Fuckin' Fellini and - at its very best - falls somewhere between rubber novelty poop and watching old people chew on the artistic/entertainment value scale. So what gives?
We think the TV is trying to tell him something.So what can you expect from "The #1 funded Film/Video project in Kickstarter history!"? Well, aside from being the world's longest and probably most elaborate Monster energy drink commercial, it's got lots of nifty effects and scenes and nifty effects and even some kind of weird doofy character-ish things that stumble around awkwardly spewing horrible word-garbage and borderline internet memes at each other like so much putrid acid vomit. And nifty effects.Simply put, Video Game High School is the death knell of modern cinema as we know it. If that sounds a little melodramatic to you, don't blame us - take it up with the creators, whose Season Two Kickstarter page more than a little smugly proclaims "together we are proving that crowd funding can revolutionize the way films are made."
So this is it. Finally. The glorious people's revolution, the righteous wave of trendy internet democratization that will finally bring down the soulless Hollywood studio machine once and for all, delivering us from the cruel, pitiless dark ages of bloated hyper-commercial filmmaking into the heavenly light of user-driven content and crowdsourced creative liberty! The future! The ultimate egalitarian wet dream! Time to reap the benefits of totally independent, fan/crowd-funded movie making, such as:
- No more mindless formula recycling (e.g. nerdy outsider getting the hot popular girl after defeating her jerkbag boyfriend who also happens to be his arch nemesis in some kind of stupid boring contest thus proving his manhood)
- No more pandering to the lowest common denominator with stupid references and horribly stilted throwaway lines (like, say "ARE YOU CO-CO-KIDDING ME?! I AM CUCKOO FOR COCONUT CAKE!")
- No more shameless, gratuitous product placement in every other scene
- No more tasteless, outrageously-overpriced merchandising gimmicks, like the only $100 high school team pennant you'll ever not have to buy or our personal favorite, a $125 piece of plastic with some crap scribbled on it.
*Which we were strongly invited to visit voluntarily for spreading vile lies about His Excellency and Highest Incarnation of the Revolutionary Comradely Love Kim Jong-Il, The One True Forever and Dear Leader, Who is a Perfect Incarnation of the Appearance That a Leader Should Have, and also Pulgasari/Galgameth Are the Best Movie Ever Made.
This Week on Something Awful...
Pardon Our Dust
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Let's improve landmarks
Landmarks and statues around the world: old, boring and could use an update.
Make Horror Wholesome
Join the SA Forum photoshop goons in their quest to make horror wholesome!
Every Conceivable Way EA Could Screw Up Star Wars: Squadrons
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
About This Column
Something Awful reviews the absolute worst movies out there. We focus mostly on horror and science fiction, because all writers here on Something Awful are huge nerds.
Previous Articles
- Turbulent Skies
- Galgameth
- Recon 2023: The Gauda Prime Conspiracy
- Ghost Cat
- Zombie 90: Extreme Pestilence
Suggested Articles
- Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted; Top Cat: The Movie; Iron Sky; Sound of My Voice; Little Monsters
- The Master; The House at the End of the Street; End of Watch
- The Wolverine; R.I.P.D.; The To Do List; Grabbers; Nor'easter; Breaking the Girls
- MGMT: Congratulations
- Wreck-It Ralph; The Man with the Iron Fists; Philadelphia Film Festival Coverage
