Mood House

      Instead of writing standard tortured prose
       This week I fashioned rhymes so lachrymose
       that tears may flow from readers' dampened eyes
       (of joy or boredom, I dare not surmise).
       To wit, the motive for this week's caprice
       was lack of will to write a standard piece
       about a movie running 9:03 -
       t'would seem no less than an atrocity.
       And thus, my lame-ass iambs fill your screen.
10    No Bard am I, so please don't be too mean.
 
~~~
 
The film called "Mood House" is, of course, a twin
       of the original incarnation:
       The film called "Doom House" burst onto the scene
       and quickly it eclipsed the silver screen.
       A tragi-comic-horror tour de force,
       it left the teeming masses cheering hoarse.
       It told the epic saga, here retold,
       of Reginald P. Linux, average Joe,
       who, moving into his brand new estate,
 20    found horrors few of us could contemplate.
       An evil doll did plague his happy home;
       for oft-disposed of, each time it would come
       around again, and chide his joyless dreams
       with its satanic-yet-angelic mien. 

The local cop whom Linux called for aid
       Turned out to be all part of the charade,
       when at the end his secret was revealed -
       a terrorist?  Would hapless Linux yield?
       Instead, the doll, the source of endless grief,
 30    did prove the key to Reginald's relief.
       Thrown at the terrorist, it knocked him down
       a set of steps, where he died with a frown.
       And thus the day was saved, and Linux free
       from dolls and terrorists and misery.
       And from this point we can begin to dive
       within this: Doom House version one point five.
       To call this film a sequel would be wrong --
       if "Doom House" is a fork, this is one prong,
       connected to the first, and yet a piece
 40    unto itself, as a sep'rate release.
       The title screen begins: "MOOD HOUSE," it blares,
       ("Mood" is "Doom" backwards, for those unawares)
       and starts again upon the blank façade
       of Linux's estate, with car and sod
       and clear blue sky suggesting peaceful times.
       The outside universe notes not the crimes
       'gainst God and man which dwell within these walls,
       and o'er the Mood House cast a deathly pall.
       We move inside, and here we comprehend
 50    that what was once beginning now is end.
       For Linux sits upon a couch; his smirk
       soon fades as he arises with a jerk.
       His hard-fought victory's now in the past,
       (or in the future, since it does come last)
       and what should come around the nearest bend:
       the terrorist, down on all fours, rear end
       up in the air, like some retarded dog. 

      I should point out that this scene's analogue
       in "Doom House" simply isn't to be found.
 60    It's possible the scene's meant to expound
       That "Mood House" shuns the literalist view
       And sprinkles in absurdist moments, too.
       Or maybe it is something deeper still,
       or maybe they just had some time to kill.
       But nonetheless, the plot must carry on,
       As it rewinds towards hither back from yon.
       The terrorist - or cop, as we will learn
       (For everything takes a one-eighty turn)
       Flies up the stairs, his injuries now healed,
 70    And chucks the doll at Linux from left field.
       Now Reggie freaks: the doll is a surprise,
       but very soon his screams turn into sighs.
       The next scene shows the cop enjoying MAME,
       Then Linux shrieks some more to mask his pain.
       But soon the cop is bursting into song:
       specifically a yodel.  It's still wrong.
       Now he explains that he's really a cop,
       and not a marriage counselor.  (This sop
       is given to you early so you'll be
 80    more able to unwind the mystery.)
       "This house is built where there will be a mall,"
       explains the cop, like this makes sense at all.
       Then Reggie fires back by mentioning
       his mortgage, then his hat's off with a zing.