Hologram Man

Now, what to do with this guy...maybe solitary confinement for the first 180 years of his 1500 consecutive life sentences, followed by a brisk "bury him under the prison, then build another prison underneath that so that he's buried between two prisons" type deal? Or perhaps something more traditional, like a good old fashioned death row, just fry the sucker in front of as many teary-eyed loved ones as possible and call it quits - a nice classic fry n' cry. Nah, too boring. Oh! We know! Let's download his entire consciousness into a sophisticated, immortal AI connected openly to the internet with less security than an 8-year-old's iPhone and occasionally hold tribunal hearings where we all laugh smugly down at him and super double dare him to escape, and then laugh some more at what a pussy he is for not escaping. Oh, also, he should be able to shoot lightning bolts, for some reason. Yes. This is it. The penal system of the future.

Anyway, despite his initial success Decoda is just as befuddled as everyone else after Slash becomes immune to bullets and harsh language. Clearly, this calls for an intense training montage so he can learn to shoot bullets harmlessly through Slash with better accuracy:

Sorry, we lied about the "montage" part. Oh, and the "intense" part. The "training" part might be arguable, though we're not sure how many real-life terrorists would just stand there having a casual smoke while some asshole casually waltzes up and shoots them in the face. To his minimal credit, Decoda does finally realize that he should just put the gun down and try a different approach, but sadly his plan B involves challenging Slash to a fucking fist fight, which goes better than you might expect but still fails miserably.

Don't worry though, Decoda's real plan all along was to get beaten to within an inch of his life so the only way to save him would be to also turn him into an invincible hologram. Because nothing really ramps up the tension and dramatic intrigue for your third act like having two immortal jackasses who are completely unkillable spending the rest of eternity fruitlessly smacking each other around like the world's most pointless Greek tragedy/photonic rock 'em sock 'em robots:

You know what, let's just say the movie ends there, so we'll feel better about all of the expensive-looking pyrotechnics they wasted making Hologram Man.

– Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil (@trillaphon)