Hydrogen: "Eagle Dawn" is the perfect codename for this movie; vaguely cool until you think about it for half a second, and realize it makes zero fucking sense.
Trillaphon: "Welcome to the Company, son. Your codename will be "Majestic Ringworm". Are you ready for your first assignment?"
Trillaphon: "Assignment #1: find a fucking hat, like at least a ten-gallon cowboy hat. Assignment #2: go to the barber shop down the street to pick up a secret message - ask for the buzz cut, that's the secret code. Assignment #3: fuck off, forever."
Hydrogen: You would think that for someone as obsessed with being a clandestine agent as he is, he'd opt for a less conspicuous haircut, like maybe a neon green mohawk.
Trillaphon: His summer job as a coffee caddy at the CIA's field office for useless rejects will be great preparation for his ultimate top secret assignment: meeting a girl who won't immediately scream and/or puke as soon as she spots him skulking out of the shadows.
Hydrogen: *puts on fedora* Ma'am.
Hydrogen: ...ASSIGNMENT COMPROMISED! ABORT, ABORT! EAGLE DAWN HAS BEEN SHOT DOWN! I REPEAT, THE HOT DOG IS OUTSIDE THE HALLWAY!
This Week on Something Awful...
Pardon Our Dust
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Make Horror Wholesome
Join the SA Forum photoshop goons in their quest to make horror wholesome!
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About This Column
Something Awful reviews the absolute worst movies out there. We focus mostly on horror and science fiction, because all writers here on Something Awful are huge nerds.
