Dark Harvest 2: The Maize

Trillaphon: For a minute there I thought we were going in for a CORN COP colonoscopy. I don't even want to know what you'd find up there, but it would still probably be better than watching the actual movie.

Hydrogen: Say what you will about Bill Cowell, but he is the undisputed master of the uncomfortably long and completely out-of-focus zoom.

Trillaphon: Zoom is way more important than focus - that's like the first thing they taught us in that film school I went to at that mall kiosk for $150.

Hydrogen: That is the most blatant, gratuitous time padding I've seen since Feeders 2 included the entire director's cut of Feeders as a flashback sequence.

Trillaphon: It's all worth it for the CORN COP payoff at the end, though. Easily the best character in the movie. Also, just what the hell does a CORN COP do, anyway? Is he a cop made out of corn, or...?

Hydrogen: Is he policing the corn itself, protecting the people from the corn, protecting the corn from the people; or is he just roughing up unlicensed Orville Reddenbacher lookalikes and shaking down street vendors of knock-off Fritos?

Trillaphon: Whatever he is or does, I think it's safe to say: god bless you, CORN COP.