Something Awful vs. Kharibdus

From: Venom X
To: Lowtax
Subject: (no subject)

Now I'm pissed off Fucking die you peice of shit. THink it's funny to trash on other people because they don't meet your fucking standards? I'm sick of being shit on by motherfuckers like you! I don't know who you are, how old you are, or how you found our site, but so help me, if I ever do learn your identity, you'll wish you were never born. I make it my personal mission to bring your website down. To make it so crowded with traffic, and be plagued by html failures and script failures and anything else I can mangage to shove up your ass. I don't appreciate your attitude, or your 'piss people off and make fun of other's weakneses to get laughs' approach to life. You're probably some fat ass old man, who has nothing else to do, a horrible family life, and people all around you who hate you, so one day you woke up, and decided to take it out on people who are younger than you, who don't know you and who don't have the chance to kick you in your stupid ass. Think it's funny to make fun of us, huh? Think it's funny to sign our guestbook every 10 minutes under a different name, or get ppl to go there just to sign it. Everyone mentions the same faults, uses the same stupid insults. We know its only about 2 or 3 ppl involved, not 10 or 20. Now it's your turn to suffer asshole...

I already mentioned how I never signed the guy's guestbook or emailed him, so that point is pretty much moot. Then there's my favorite line, "...I make it my personal mission to bring your website down. To make it so crowded with traffic..." So the guy is essentially trying to scare me by threatening to send MORE people to this site? Am I missing something here? The only valid point the guy had was regarding his guestbook, as everybody did seem to post the same stupid insults in it. I wish the people who signed guestbooks could come up with something more witty than "FUCK YOU". That's especially lame, and incredibly unfunny. Anyway, before I had a chance to respond to either of these, I got this letter:

From: Tiggermcat
To: Lowtax
Subject: Legal matters

Hail,

I wish this was under better reason for e-mailing you. We will give you one day to remove you link to my site Tiggershell.net and post a follow up reason why you linked to my server. This is and out of court deal if you wish no to comply with these terms then will set to court date up. If you wish to know under what you will be found guilty of we would be more then happy to send you all the copies straight out of the book.

Tiggermcat
Webmaster
Dev. Team Leader - Tigger's Hell
www.tiggershell.net

This immediately frightened me, because it's a well-known fact that linking to websites is a highly illegal practice, punishable by imprisonment for life (or 30,000 miles, whichever comes first). However, knowing that I had good ol' Leonard Crabs on my side, I had nothing to fear!

From: Lowtax
To: Tiggermcat
Subject: Re: Legal matters

Tiggermcat-

I have consulted with SA's lawyer, Mr. Leonard Crabs, who has informed me that he has lost his "Big Book O' Legal Rules N' Stuff" and would like it if you could provide us with "what [we] will be found guilty of." Leonard's been consulting a black tome of limitless power entitled "The 7th Circle Rules of Engagement" for all his legal cases up to this point, and we have decided it's about time he become acquainted with a new source of reading material. I would appreciate it if you could please indeed "send all the copies straight out of the book", and possibly scan the pictures as well (I'm assuming there's some humorous anecdotes like "Family Circus" cartoons and whatnot).

Thank you very much for your time,

-Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka

To which he responded:

From: Tiggermcat
To: Lowtax
Subject: Re: Legal matters

The words are out of the book called "Slander or in this case libel" Stated by my lawyer

Ahhhh, good ol' slander and libel threats! Man, I sure wish I lived in a country that had some kind of "free speech" amendment or something, you know, so I could state my opinions and such on my own personal website. Oh wait, I do! Silly me! In that case, I wish somebody would explain to the idiots of the Internet that stating an opinion is not grounds for a "slander and libel" lawsuit. It's free speech, you boneheads.