Intrdocution: I tlaked to thees two chuckal bugses about thaer new game TOMMARROWWWIND which is a rollplayning game witch lets you lives anothar lives explorea nother wolrd!!111 and I am not looking forword to teh calamity of its rallease!!@" They were vary arguamental in the intarview and I had to head thigns off at the pass! They convincad Wonder Woman to do a voice in their game! OH GOOD WORKS GUYS THE FIREWORKS ARE EXPLODING OVERHED AT THSI ACCOMPLSHMENT!!!1 I am ni a tizzy!
- BY JEFFK!!!!!!!!!!!!11
JEFFK: Roleplayying games are for teh birds these days, why is this not online ware the action is fast and furious and I have a rune sowrd +15 but Jerry did not SOKW my healer and I ran out of Naly fruits in the salt flats.
Todd: Oh, it’s online. It’s really fun too. Just send $10 a month to Todd Howard, Bethesda Softworks, Rockville, MD.
JEFFK: Teh onally thing I will be sending to yuo sir is a punch in the heads!!1 Your game si a cat turd!11
Pete: We think you should smack Jerry with that sword. We were playing that game with him the other day...the one with the guns and stuff...and he wouldn't help us, so we shot him.
JEFFK: No waonder you both sucks so bad wiht friends like Jerrys who needs a Emilys. Dagerfalls had a lot of naked ladees in it and those are for fagorts my mom said and she wouldnt let me buy it, but I downloaded the warez demo from happyspuppys and palyed that but that version had no naked ladies. Are there going to be naked cylcopses in this game?
Todd: Umm, yeh, that’s in a patch.
Pete: Oddly enough, all cyclopses are born wearing badly tattered strips of clothing, so essentially they're always "naked."
Todd: Did you know porn is the first thing to make money in any new medium? Just wait until holograms become mainstream.
JEFFK: Did yuo know you are one sassy commant away from geting kikced to teh curb? Think about that befor you answar.
Pete: While the cyclopses in Morrowind are naked, the patches...sadly...are not. And we don't mean to make your life hard. Although, let's be honest, you'd still be making an honest living if you would have stopped drinking cherry coke slurpies straight from the machine while you were working. We warned you about that.
JEFFK: I playad thsi game and this game is slow like molasasas!!1 If a palyed Tomorrowind after school evary day for a month how long would it take me to walks all teh way across teh screen?
Todd: Assuming it doesn’t crash, about 4 seconds, but that’s theoretical. We’ve actually haven’t had that happen yet.
JEFFK: STOP TEH PRESSAS!!!! TODD HOWEDR LEARNED TO ANSWER QUESTIONS!! TEH MORE YOU KNOWS! Why does it take so infernallyu long to move around? Is it teh intarface? I think mabye its a game teh worst monk wouldn't palay!!!1
Pete: Moving your character in Morrowind is entirely based on telepathy. So if you want your character to run forward and pull out a sword, just think it and it'll happen. If it doesn't, stare at the screen and concentrate as hard as you can. If your character still doesn't move, trying moving your face closer to the screen and don't blink as much. You can practice outside by staring at the sun for long periods of time. Don't believe anyone who talks about using a keyboard and mouse. They're quitters, like that pansy Jerry. Not like you JeffK.
JEFFK: Dont try to backtrax to looks cool there Petar, yuo saids you lieked Jerray, deal with it.
I AM SAD TO SAY THERE SI ANOTHAR PAGE OF TEHM TALKING!!!1
JEFFK: Thsi is news I can use, but wit teh patches whay are you makeing and honest mans living hard to get by?
