JEFF K."S GUIDE TO THIS YEAR"S E3 (THIS YEAR, NOT LAST YEAR!)!!!

BY JEFF K!!!

PAGE 2

#1 - GOD GAMES!

They liek boobs! And guns!!! AND BEER!!!!!! They got there employess by going to frathouses and giving a GOD GAMES SIGNUP sheet that had this questian:

1) DO YUO LIEK BOOBS?!? CIRCLE ONE:

(YES) (NO)

HINT: CHOOSE "YES"

and anybodey who was smart enough to hold a pen and check any box was given a job. now they make Profesional games about boobs that EXPLODES! they also employe hot hooter women to stand next too there products at e3 becuase it si clevar marketing stragety! See look at this:

BEFORE:

AFTAR:

TEH PROOF SI IN TEH PUDDING, GENTS!!! so as yuo can planely see, there clevar marketing stragety works because NIPPLES = QUALIETY SOFTWARE!!! lets taek a look at the games they will be previewing and I will tell yuo about them becuase you are all probaly stupeds and arant as smarat as me and dont know anything about games becuase yuo spend all day knitting sweatars for grandma!!! ahahahahaha AND USE AOL! AND WINDOWS !!! GRAAABABAGHAGAGAGAG!!!!111111111~~~~~//

MAX PAINTY

Oh ho, its liek DUKE NUKAM but its differant becuase his name si "MAX PAINTY" and not "DUKE NUKAM" and also it takes place in NEw York and Duke 4D takes place in I dont know where it takes place, I dont think 3D realms has got that far in teh game yet. Painty Max is a tough MOFO (LOL ROFTLE!!!!) and he dosant take NO for an answar! he was framed for murdar by a mob and now he must find his framer and kill them before teh police catch him and arrest him for copyright infringments against "RENEGADE" starring Lorenzo Lamas. this game si being made by "Remedy Entartainment" who made a bunch of games I nevar heard of (probaly becuase they were not good). so maybe Painty Max will not be good either. I dont care. hear si some crap from teh website:

"Max Payne is a relentless story-driven game about a man on the edge, fighting for his justice while uncovering plot-twists and twisted thugs in the gritty bowels of New York during the century's worst blizzard."

WOW!!! TWISTY THUGS AND GRITTY BOWELS! PAINTY MAX IS MUST SEE TV FOR SURE! TEH FEELGOOD SENSATIAIN OF TEH YEAR!!!

TWISTY THUGS AND GRITTY BOWELS: TEH PAINTY MAX STORY!!!

AGE OF WONDARS 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

I dont know what this si a game about, so hear is a pressed release:

Age of Wonders II: The Wizard's Throne blends role-playing, melee and magical combat, and building, while placing the player in control of an ancient fantasy empire. To restore balance in a world on the brink of collapse and earn a place amongst The Circle of Evermore (a group of immortal wizards,) gamers take charge of power-wielding wizards, clashing battalions and laboring guilds. As the story unfolds, players will encounter deities, other wizards, enemies and allies, each with their own agenda and personality. The alliances made or broken with each unique character in the game will make the difference between ultimate success or utter demise.

it has wizards in it so the game si obviousley for fagorts and I dont care too write about it any more. maybe Jerry will HAHAHHAHA wizzards, what a load of HONKEY!

Oh look a wizard how wondarful

DUKE NUKAM FOREVAR

DUKE NUKAM SAYS "OH LOOK AT YUO MONSTAR! YUO ARE HAIL TO TEH KING BABY! HEAR COMES DUKE! I WANT TO WHORE SOME STRIPPARXZS"

This si a top secrat game that 3D RELAMS has been working on since a long time, but they get mad when yuo make joeks about how slow they are too code it, so I wont make any jokes about it becuase I want EXCLUSEIVE SCOOPS to scoop I dont know who Ill scoop but I want to see a pig cop so I wont maek fun of Duke Nukam. in this Duke Nukam gaem for yuor computar machene, yuo will palay teh role of Duke Nukam who shots the guns and alians! AND STRIPPARS! nobodey knows much about teh game becuase 3D RELASMS has a media BLACKOUT on it and wont tell anybodey anything not even teh best game news site on teh Intarnet, "GAMER GRAND CENTRAL PAGE"!!! boy! hear si a quote:

Plenty of big-built wiggling show-girls and under-cover alien mobsters then. There will also be a number of games within the game. Vegas being the gambling capital of the world, five will get you ten that there will be a pay-load pin table called "Balls Of Steel", which you'll need to win!

HA HA HAWR BALLS OF STEEL I dont get it!!!! hear si a game within a game: GEORGE BROUSARRD WORKING ON DUKE NUKAM WHILE CAMPING UNDERWARE IN EVERQUEST!!! hahahahahah!!! stop stabbing orcs and make a game yuo menace!!!!!!1 else I will claim it's clobberin time and yuo will get two fisted justice of FURY JUSTICE from me, sir. Also there si teh microwave gun and teh shinrkor gun and The Freeze gun but nobodey will use them becuase theyre for mall puppets/

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